Eddie Chauncy

WHAT ARE ONTOLOGY AND EPISTEMOLOGY?

2012-01-12T21:56:00.002Z

In philosophy, some things stick in your head, and some don't. Many people have trouble understanding, and then remembering, what ontology and epistemology are. They don't seem to fall naturally into the head as memorable or useful concepts. Here is an attempt to make things a bit clearer, in the context of social psychology.

ONTOLOGY

This word comes from the greek: ontos = being, and logos = study - i.e. it is the study of being.

Your 'ontology' is your answer to the question: 'What is reality?' (i.e. what can be said to really exist, or be?)

It is important, because whatever assumption you make affects how you approach science.

For example, if your ontological view is: 'Reality is a load of facts out there waiting to be discovered' then you are a Realist, and you might be comfortable with an experimental approach.

Alternatively, if your ontological view is: 'Reality is, ooh, very fluid and elusive, and only exists through people's claims' then you are a Postmodernist, and you might be comfortable with a discursive approach, where reality is regarded as a constructed account.

EPISTEMOLOGY

This word comes from the greek: episteme = knowledge, and logos = study - i.e. it is the study of knowledge.

Your 'epistemology' is your answer to the question: 'How can I know reality?' (i.e. even if something really exists, how can I know that?)

It is important, because whatever assumption you make about what can be known, affects what you bother to try to find out scientifically.

For example, if your epistemological view is: 'My senses help me know the objective world: to see is to know' then you are an Empiricist, and, as above, you might be comfortable doing experiments with lots of sense data to gather knowledge.

Alternatively, if your epistemological view is: ''Ooh, wouldn't trust the senses: knowledge is constructed subjectively by people and groups' then you are a Constructivist, and, as above, you might be comfortable doing discursive analysis, working with the interactive construction of knowledge.

In short, roughly speaking, you might divide social science into:

1. Experimental, with a more realist ontology (i.e. reality is out there), with an empiricist epistemology (i.e. and I'll gather sense data to find it);

2. Postmodernist constructivism, with a less realist ontology (i.e. reality is just a load of competing claims), and a constructivist epistemology (i.e. and I'll analyse those competing accounts to explore it)

Applied, then , to social psychology, it is important to understand the tension, throughout its history, between:

1. A more traditional experimental (quantitative) approach, which sees social reality as a set of facts to be known for all time by measuring people in the laboratory;

2. A more critical, discursive (qualitative) approach, which sees social reality as mutually constructed between people in the real world.

I've simplified things horribly to make the distinctions as clear as possible, but I hope this helps anyone who is struggling to get a handle on these terms, and apply them to social psychology.

You could use the invented word 'OBEK' to remember it: basically, Ontology = Being; Epistemology = Knowledge.

And if you want to know where the word 'OBEK' comes from…

I just socially constructed it!

HOW TO KEEP YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

2012-01-01T17:23:00.000Z

How can we make sure that we stick to the resolutions we make as the new year arrives? Here are five simple tips:

1. MAKE IT REALISTIC
If your resolution feels too big for comfort, try breaking it down into smaller segments, so that you can tick off each stage as you achieve it.

2. MAKE IT ENJOYABLE
OK, some resolutions (e.g. dieting) may not be so much fun. But try to build in little rewards for yourself when you achieve milestones, so that you have something to look forward to.

3. BE CONSISTENT WITH YOUR VALUES
The closer something is to your core beliefs, the more likely your brain is to support it. For instance, most people believe in their hearts that to be caring is a good thing. So if your resolution involves being caring and considerate to others, then your heart will support it!

4. SEEK THE COMPANY OF THOSE WHO WILL HELP
Spend time with people who will support your good intentions - social support, and encouragement from friends, are a great help.

5. DON'T BE TOO EXTREME
If you are too ambitious, then you may react by giving in when the going gets tough. By all means keep in your mind a dream of the extreme positive outcome - that can motivate you! But make your target something simple and easy to follow.

Best wishes for 2012!

And if you can't think of a resolution, or for a bit of fun, try the link below for an automatic new year's resolution generator!......

http://www.moninavelarde.com/newyears/

HOW TO GET THINGS DONE

2011-12-20T20:13:00.003Z

Do you have a big project which you have always wanted to do, but somehow you always delay starting it? Or perhaps you sometimes make a start, but life gets in the way, and you run out of energy before you have completed it?

If you really do want to get something achieved, here are five tips to help you.

1 - DO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO
Not what you THINK you love to do. What you ACTUALLY love to do. There's a big difference. If your project is only there because of a sense of duty, you will find it ten times harder to complete. But if it's something you love to do anyway, then you already have motivation, and each task will be much easier.

2 - BUILD YOUR DAILY TIMETABLE AROUND YOUR PROJECT, AND GIVE IT TIME!
If your usual day includes nothing of your project, then don't be surprised if you get nothing done. Many people have very busy days - the only problem is, it's busy with all the wrong things. Begin by defining an hour in the day that you will dedicate to YOUR activity. Then tell everyone who asks that you're not available at that time for anything - you have an appointment - an appointment with yourself :-) If, at first, you waste the time, don't worry - that's very common. At least you knew what you were supposed to be doing! Try harder next time. In the end, you'll develop your new routine, and then you can expand the dedicated time accordingly.

3 - CREATE A WRITTEN PLAN AND DIARIZE MANAGEABLE TASKS
Many people suffer from a mental block: they know where they want to get to, but they don't know what to do next to get closer to the goal. It all seems too much, so they give up. To avoid this, set aside specific time to do your planning, and break down your activities into achievable tasks. Make sure you start with something you can manage, and diarise it. Once your plan has an existence external to your mind, it takes the pressure off your brain to remember everything, and you can concentrate on the next task properly. Write down the future - i.e. your next few planned tasks. But also write down the past - i.e. keep a record or diary of what you have done or created so far. It will give you a sense of achievement.

4 - BUILD A SUPPORT AND INFORMATION NETWORK
The great thing about the information age is that there are usually thousands of people trying to achieve similar projects. This means that you will be able to join supportive groups of like-minded people; you will be amazed at the encouragement and pleasure you will encounter if you start sharing regular news and activities. Another advantage of the information age is the amount of advice you can find on your chosen subject. Create for yourself a little library at home; and you can also create a computer store of relevant links to useful information and discussions.

5 - KEEP ON STARTING AGAIN
Many people get discouraged by the number of times they give up. But, as long as you re-start as many times as you give up, then you're winning. Start to enjoy travelling towards your goal, even if progress is slow and steady. If you are learning to cook, for instance, treat every single day as a new opportunity to practice. If things go wrong, so much the better - you have learned something!

For more information about starting again, see:
http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/wellness/procrastination-get-done

HOW TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD

2011-12-15T15:12:00.002Z

Many people feel, at times, that they are not making a difference in the world. Everyone, sometimes, feels unimportant. It is a state associated often with a 'victim mentality', where we see ourselves as being 'acted upon' by the world, and powerless to influence the world around us.

Social psychology has much to say about the relationship between your self and the world that surrounds it. Burkitt (1999) suggests a view which sees the self as:

1. Productive (i.e. you can do things to change your life)
2. Communicative (i.e. you can use words and gestures to make your point)
3. Powerful (i.e. you can change the conditions of your life)
4. Thinking (i.e. you are able to plan how you perform points 1 to 3)

Psychology is often accused of leading to a fatalistic view, where a person says 'I can't help myself - my mind is just like that!' Social psychology can offer a different perspective, in which we see ourselves as agents of change. Instead of seeing psychology as explaining actions, we can see psychology as action itself.

Given this perspective, we can ask ourselves:

1. How shall I interact with the world?
2. How shall I communicate with the world?
3. How shall I interact with, and challenge, existing social structures?
4. How can I use my ability to plan and be creative to perform 1, 2 and 3?

Further reading/links:

http://integral-options.blogspot.com/2010/03/ian-burkitt-social-selves-challenge-to.html

http://www.brad.ac.uk/ssis/social-sciences/academic-profiles/ian-burkitt/

IF by Rudyard Kipling

2011-11-26T20:36:00.001Z

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son

(Rudyard Kipling)

HOW TO BEHAVE TOWARDS BAD PEOPLE

2011-11-12T21:04:00.001Z

In the library today, I found these verses, from the 'Eight Verses of Thought Transformation' by Langri Tangpa.

I will learn to cherish beings of bad nature
And those pressed by strong sins and sufferings.
May I cherish them as the rarest find,
Like chancing upon a treasury of jewels.

When others feel jealous of me
And abuse and attack me wrongly,
I will learn to take all loss
And offer the victory to them.

When one whom I have benefitted with great hope
Unreasonably hurts me very badly,
I will learn to view that person
As an excellent spiritual guide.

At first, this may seem a strange attitude. You may think: if I offer bad people the victory, and cherish them, then they will take advantage of me! But think of it from the point of view of learning. If the aim is to become a better person, then bad people, who attack us wrongly, and hurt us unreasonably, have the potential to help us to improve ourselves. They can be our coaches, training us to a better nature, if we can respond kindly, and overcome any temptation to react badly.

So, next time someone acts badly towards you, try not to attack them back. Try to be glad that you are being given the opportunity to practise patience!

NOTE: does this mean we always give in? No. As the Dalai Lama comments:
"Where it says that we should accept defeat and offer the victory to others, we have to differentiate two kinds of situation. If, on the one hand, we are obsessed with our own welfare and very selfishly motivated, we should accept defeat and offer victory to the other, even if our life is at stake. But if, on the other hand, the situation is such that the welfare of others is at stake, we have to work very hard and fight for the rights of others, and not accept the loss at all."

For more commentary, by the Dalai Lama, on the 'Eight Verses of Thought Transormation', see:
http://www.lamayeshe.com/index.php?sect=article&id=381

SHOULD I ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH?

2011-11-08T11:26:00.000Z

GIVING THE TRUTH CAN CAUSE SUFFERING
On the radio this morning, a doctor was talking about a patient of his, named Martha. At regular intervals, Martha suffers from amnesia, and needs to be reminded of crucial elements of her life. One key piece of information she forgets, is that her husband died a while ago. At regular intervals, then, Martha will ask where her husband is. The doctor's dilemma is what to say in reply. If the doctor tells the whole truth: 'Your husband has died', then Martha becomes extremely upset, and suffers a grieving process. Then, later, if she forgets again, and asks once more, then if the doctor repeats the information, Martha yet again will suffer extreme grief. The question is this: is it better to tell the whole truth every time, causing extreme grief every time; or is it better to withhold the truth in the interests of avoiding suffering? Martha has two daughters. One accepts the withholding of information to avoid suffering. But the other daughter believes quite strongly that to withhold an important truth is abusive, and the truth should be told, however much suffering it causes. Which daughter is right?

OUR RESPONSE TO THE DILEMMA
We will all have a natural response to the dilemma. For my own part, I have a strong instinctive preference for telling the truth at all costs. If someone asks me something, I will feel constrained to reply as clearly as possible, because I have a strong belief that the truth is an important possession, and we steal it from others if we withhold it. However, I am aware that different people have different instinctive responses to the same dilemma. I remember my parents making decisions to withhold information from their children in order to avoid suffering: they clearly believed that children should be protected from certain truths, so that they could grow up happy and content.

ACTING IN OTHERS' BEST INTERESTS
One of the important principles for the doctor mentioned above, was the principle of acting in the best interests of the patient. Under this principle, it would be clearly wrong for a doctor to withhold information simply because it made the doctor's life easier - that would not be prioritising the patient. But even if we accept the principle 'always consider the best interests of the other person', it does not resolve a major dilemma, which is this: is it in someone's best interests to know the truth, even if it makes them suffer? Or is it better for them to remain unknowing, if that keeps them happier?

CONSENT
In practice, one way we resolve this dilemma is by using another overriding principle: that of consent. We are able to ask the other person: would you rather know, or not know? For instance, the doctor could ask Martha in the example above: 'Martha, when you forget, do you want us to remind you, when you ask, that your husband is dead?' If Martha says yes, then the decision is made. If she says no, then equally, the decision is made.

WE STILL HAVE A CHOICE ABOUT THE FOCUS OF ATTENTION
However, there is one more important factor which we can control, even if we choose to tell the truth. We can decide where to direct the attention of the person. In the example of Martha above, it may be that she can be distracted onto other subjects: perhaps she has children or family to think about, which will draw her attention away from the sad fact of her husband's death. As a parent, although I always tried to tell my children the truth about everything, I was still able to manage the focus of our attention, so that we didn't become too obsessed by one thing. In this way, even if we decide to share the truth with people frequently, we can still take responsibility for helping to manage awareness, so that sad truths are counterbalanced by happier things.

MANAGING WHAT WE TELL OURSELVES
Think for a moment about what you tell yourself. In a way, every moment of the day, we are in the position of Martha. Our mind is always asking us: 'What is happening? Where is everybody?' And we are also in the position of the doctor! How shall we reply to ourselves? Shall we keep on reminding ourselves of sad things, or focus on happy things? The issues of consent and attention apply to our self-management. Ask yourself: 'When I am ready to think about life, where do I want my attention to focus? Do I want to hear the truth? And even if I make myself aware of the truth, and accept it, what shall I do then? Shall I draw my attention to happy things, or sad things?'

The above example of Martha is extreme. But it reminds us strongly that we all have a responsibility to make good choices about sharing the truth, and focusing attention, with those we care for, and even with ourselves. The decisions aren't easy, but perhaps the important thing is to keep in mind the best interests of the person we are dealing with.

HOW TO BECOME A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT

2011-11-01T11:33:00.000Z

Experts behave differently from novices. Think of many areas of activity: football, chess, particle physics - in all these spheres of human endeavour, we acknowledge that there is such a thing as an expert, and such a thing as a novice. In relationships, too, some people act like perpetual novices, always making the same mistakes; and some people manage to graduate to a level which many would recognize as 'relationship expert'. I am not just talking about the traditional 'relationship experts' - therapists, counsellors, and publicized 'gurus'. I am thinking about those around us who seem to be able to conduct relationships in a way that leads to a good level of mutual fulfilment, respect and happiness. What defines a 'relationship expert'? Can we learn relationships in the same way as we learn other skills, such as chess? And, if so, how would we recognize a 'relationship expert' if we saw one? Perhaps an expert is good at solving problems, in which case a look at psychological research into problem-solving may help…

WHAT IS A PROBLEM?
A problem could be defined as a goal which we have difficulty reaching. With regard to solving simple problems, human beings have two big behavioural difficulties which are obstacles to good solutions:

1. HABIT - We are very reliant on habit, and tend to just repeat the same solutions time after time
2. IMPATIENCE - We are bad at delaying satisfaction, and tend to choose short-term solutions which may not work in the long term

A relationship novice will, therefore, show two main characteristics. When faced with a relationship problem, they will repeat the same behaviour as last time (even if it didn't really work last time!). And they will push for immediate satisfaction instead of playing the long game. A relationship expert, on the other hand, is not the victim of their own habits, but is flexible enough to use a new solution if it is required. And secondly, the relationship expert will show a lot of patience in thinking things through carefully from different perspectives.

In general, the relationship expert is characterized by this: their ability to see different perspectives, and patiently adapt their behaviour to suit them.

RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE
Another aspect of becoming an expert is the ability to learn from different situations. This can, for example, involve the ability to 'take a hint'. Life does not put up signposts for you saying: 'Beware, angry response ahead'… we need to learn by analogy: to recognize situations because of a similarity in their underlying structure. People who are bad at relationships tend to be bad at recognizing particular patterns until it is too late. You hear them say things like: 'I always choose the wrong partners.' What they should really say is: 'I am bad at responding to damaging situations until it is too late.'

The inability to learn from experience can be divided into two main aspects:

1. Inability to recognize - some people simply can't 'read' other people's hints or expressions. The 'code' that is usually available to the rest of us, is not available to them. To become relationship experts, these people need to improve their ability to watch, listen to, and interpret, others' actions.

2. Inability to respond appropriately - some people can recognize a problem, and may even know the solution. But their problem is behavioural: they can't make themselves do the right thing. You hear them say things like: 'I just couldn't help myself.' This is a clue that their difficulty is one of self-control. They can see the right thing clearly enough; but they just can't do it. To become relationship experts, these people need to improve their ability to master their own actions.

SOLVING MORE COMPLICATED ISSUES
Studies of chess expertise have found that chess masters do not necessarily have greater basic intelligence - but they do have the ability to organize their knowledge in meaningful patterns. In other words, they can recognize and remember situations, using their experience to 'map out' the territory in a more memorable way. If this translates to relationship expertise, then relationship experts are not necessarily more clever, but they are better at spotting important patterns and situations, and responding accordingly. Practice seems to have a big effect - psychologists generally estimate that it takes around 10 years to become an expert in a field, and relationships may be no different. So expect yourself to take at least 10 years of tough practice to become expert at relationships in a particular context - for example, in a new culture or work area… or even with a new person! Learn attentively until you become very familiar with people and situations.

So, to become an expert in more complicated relationship issues, be prepared to become a little bit 'obsessed' with the subject; pay attention carefully, and get lots of practice in different situations.

In summary, perhaps there are three things that can turn us into relationship experts:

1. RECOGNIZE - Learn to interpret other people's behaviour. Spend time with them until you feel you understand why they act the way they do.

2. CONTROL - Learn to control yourself. Use meditation, and other self-discipline exercises, to improve your ability to defer gratification and be flexible.

3. PRACTICE - Get plenty of practice with other people - remember, it takes around 10 years to become an expert!

Further reading on aspects of relationship research:

http://lisakifttherapy.com/c/relationships/topics/relationship-research/

WHAT IS SPIRITUAL LIVING?

2011-10-27T14:01:00.001+01:00

Sometimes we describe people as 'spiritual' - but what does that mean? - here are a few suggestions, things which maybe are characteristic of a spiritual approach to life...

1. SPIRITUAL PEOPLE PREFER TO CONTEMPLATE THAN TO STIMULATE

Thousands of years ago, there was a group of men and women who lived away from others, on the slopes of Mount Carmel in Palestine. This was the foundation of the Carmelite Order, which still exists today. It represents a contemplative tradition - living away from distraction, in order to get closer in your mind to what is truly important. Many people seek companionship, activity and stimulation, to avoid the fear of being alone. On the contrary, contemplation involves being ready to suffer alone, in order to come out of that suffering at the other end of the process.

Some people would think of contemplation as 'doing nothing'. But this is not true. When we think, we are doing something. It may not look very active, but in fact, the contemplative person is living more deeply. When we are active, we spread ourselves thinly; when we contemplate, we thicken our understanding.

2. SPIRITUAL PEOPLE PREFER TO BE PEACEFUL THAN TO DEFEND THEMSELVES

One thing meditation can bring, is the sense of being part of a stream. When we are being selfish, we see ourselves as the centre of the universe. We see our ego as separate, as something which needs to be defended. In a sense, we don't trust the world, so we spend our time trying to make the world play our game! But if we can let go, and be trusting, then we can experience peace, because we no longer have to fight these battles of the ego. We can relax in the feeling of being part of something much bigger than ourselves.

3. SPIRITUAL PEOPLE PREFER GRACE RATHER THAN SUSPICION

If we have experienced too many dishonest, uncaring and manipulative people in our past, then we may be suspicious of everything, even good things. When we experience genuine love, we will even be suspicious of that, and think there must be a trick! But think about it. If we are always expecting a trick, how will we notice when we meet someone who genuinely wants to help? Grace can help - to accept grace, is to stop being suspicious. It enables us to receive good things without polluting them with distrust. In a way, grace is very simple. It just involves accepting goodness without destroying it.

4. SPIRITUAL PEOPLE PREFER TO SERVE RATHER THAN DOMINATE

When we serve other people, we attend to their needs. Not their wishes, because sometimes their wishes are self-destructive. Serving is not slavery. A slave doesn't really have to think - they just have to obey orders. But a servant is more thoughtful. When we serve our children, for instance, we are always thinking of ways to help them to grow. Sometimes we have to be very clever, and choose courses of action which are helpful, even though others may not see them as helpful!

5. SPIRITUAL PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO FEEL GUILTY AND CHALLENGE THEMSELVES

People betray each other - some in subtle ways, some in dramatically terrible ways. We have all failed to be good sometimes. We need, sometimes, a strong sense of personal failure and inadequacy. How else will we improve? Imagine someone who tricks their friends, hurts and destroys, but has no sense of personal failure. How would they ever make themselves better? Only through a deep sense that they have done bad things, and failed to be kind. Evil is not committed by people who question and doubt themselves. On the contrary, evil is committed by people who do not want to examine themselves, because they are afraid of how uncomfortable it would make them.

We must challenge ourselves. We need to recognize clearly just how ignorant, self-deceiving, blind, stupid, selfish and nasty we can all be. Then, and only then, can we realize just how wonderful it is that we're accepted anyway! And only if we openly recognize our faults, can we start to improve.

6. SPIRITUAL PEOPLE PREFER FAITH TO FEAR

Faith is the opposite of fear. When we have faith that all will be OK, then we stop being afraid. When we lose faith, then we become afraid. Faith is most difficult when we feel abandoned and left alone. But if we can learn to be alone sometimes, but not afraid, then we have gone a long way.

In summary, we could list the attributes, and their opposites, and suggest:

WHEN WE ARE BEING UNSPIRITUAL, WE:

1. Need constant stimulation

2. Need to defend ourselves

3. Are suspicious

4. Need to dominate others

5. Never feel guilty or challenge ourselves

6. Fear being alone

WHEN WE ARE BEING SPIRITUAL, WE:

1. Contemplate deeply

2. Are peaceful

3. Feel free to accept goodness

4. Serve others thoughtfully

5. Are able to feel guilty and challenge ourselves

6. Have faith that everything will be OK

These are just a few ideas, many of them taken from 'What Return Can I Make?' by M. Scott Peck, which I was reading in the library this morning.

HOW TO MULTITASK EFFECTIVELY

2011-10-24T22:33:00.002+01:00

"To do two things at once is to do neither." (Publilius Syrus)

I am going to suggest that the best way to multitask is to SINGLETASK - in other words, to stop trying to do many things at once, and just do one.

REASON 1 - THE BRAIN IS BUILT TO DO ONE THING AT A TIME

When we multitask, we are asking our brain to keep switching between different activities. The problem is this: every activity has a set of 'rules' which our brain activates. If we keep changing tasks, our brain uses up a lot of energy 'reactivating' the rules for each separate task. Imagine, for instance, trying to have two arguments at once, on two separate phones. Every time you re-engage in the opposite ear, you have to spend energy reminding yourself what is going on. Much of this activity goes on in the prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain which is much more effective when not pressurized by multitasking.

REASON 2 - YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE WHEN YOU MULTITASK

If you want to upset someone, just make them do one thing, and then keep interrupting them with another! Why does this cause upset? Well, we work best when we are working towards a single goal. Our emotions are designed to be peaceful when we are concentrating on a single goal, and then ecstatic when we achieve it! Linked to this, our emotions are also designed to choose anger when our goals are frustrated. So, if you multitask, you are interrupting your own internal single-goal mechanism, and you are almost guaranteed to make yourself angry!

REASON 3 - YOUR LIFE WILL BE LESS CLEAR IF YOU MULTITASK

We use perspective to gain clarity in our lives, and help us see situations clearly. And perspective needs stability. If we keep changing our activity, then we are constantly moving our viewpoint, and we will find it hard to think clearly about important issues. Partners of workaholics often complain that their partner doesn't seem to 'see' them, or understand their issues. The workaholic doesn't sit still for long enough to see the person or thing in front of them.

So here is an exercise you can do:

1. Get a piece of paper, and write on it what you are going to do next. Choose an activity that takes about 5 minutes.

2. Only do that thing, until it is finished. Then go back to your piece of paper, and tick the item.

3. Choose another activity, and write it down.

4. Only do that thing, until it is finished… and so on.

In the beginning, you may notice how easily distracted you are. It can be surprisingly difficult to just do one thing at a time. But, with practice, you will find you get better at focusing on a single thing. And you may find it quite pleasurable, because your emotional brain, as discussed above, is designed to focus on something, complete it, and then focus on the next thing. You will find your mind getting more peaceful while doing something, and more joyful when you finish each small task!

Try the exercise on people as well. When someone wants to talk, give them your full attention for the next five minutes, and really concentrate on them. See if it has a positive effect. Try to notice what the benefits are.

This is half term week for me, and therefore life is constantly demanding from different directions - children, friends, work, household tasks… I am going to try to remember that, although my environment is trying to make me multitask, it is better to SINGLETASK!

SOME FURTHER READING:

http://howtofocusbetter.com/elimination-and-the-disadvantages-of-multitasking/

http://www.bnet.com/blog/entry-level/multitasking-produces-an-illusion-of-competence/1864

THE GIFT OF A POEM

2011-10-22T10:21:00.002+01:00

This week, I was lucky enough to be sent a poem, which is always such an important gift.

It's a common English phrase about gifts: "it's the thought that counts." What better gift, then, than a poem? It may not cost anything in terms of raw materials - just the letters that compose it. But it is a way of giving something of yourself in terms of time, effort, and honesty.

At the local poetry group's open evening last week, a number of people brought in poems to share. They opened a book of notes, or unravelled a piece of paper, with the care and attention some give to treasured possessions. One gentleman had dedicated a book of poems to his wife after her death. Another had a blue notebook which went with him everywhere, to catch his thoughts; and he read to us with a tremble in his voice, as though he was giving part of himself. And another did not read, but placed his poem in the centre of the table like a sacrifice, for others to pick up if they chose. Everyone in the group listened attentively as each person read their poem, and told their story. There were so many different styles: lyrical, sad, comic, reflective, nostalgic, rhyming, unrhyming, long lines, short lines, long poems, quick poems… But the main thing is, each person was bringing in a piece of him or her self.

The week before last, I was lucky enough to be invited to hear some poems by Christina Rossetti, interspersed between music by Haydn, Puccini, Holst and Schubert. The last verse of 'In the Bleak Midwinter' seems to me to illustrate the importance of simple sharing:

In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow,
In the bleak midwinter, long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him, nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away when He comes to reign.
In the bleak midwinter a stable place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ.

Angels and archangels may have gathered there,
Cherubim and seraphim thronged the air;
But His mother only, in her maiden bliss,
Worshipped the beloved with a kiss.

What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

This was written as a poem for a magazine, but in the end was set to music and became a famous Christmas Hymn. You can hear a beautiful version at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZC9C5kHL884
　
So, however hard it is to give, and however much the world puts in the way of our ability to share, a poem is a very special way of giving.

One more thing about the gift of a poem - it's recyclable and sustainable! It can be read again and again in different surroundings, passed on to others, and can last longer than the writer or the reader.

"If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give." (George MacDonald)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_MacDonald

WHAT ARE EMOTIONS, AND WHAT ARE EMOTIONS FOR?

2011-10-17T13:24:00.000+01:00

BEHAVIOURS, FEELINGS AND PHYSIOLOGY

Psychology has been very influenced by an approach called behaviourism. Behaviourism took the view that there was no point in trying to understand what goes on inside the mind; it focused exclusively on behaviour that can be externally observed. This leaves us with a problem concerning emotion; following behaviourist principles, we can only study emotion in terms of external behaviours. But is this all there is to anger, for instance – a mass of behaviours? Surely it must be useful to try to look inside, and collect information on what it feels like to be angry, for instance. As well as behaviours, therefore, we must examine feelings; methods used include introspection, where people give accounts of their own feelings. A third element is physiology. Different emotions may be related to different bodily responses. Our autonomic nervous system (ANS) has, for instance, two complementary subsystems: the sympathetic ANS, which arouses us; and the parasympathetic ANS, which brings us calm. These can be measured by skin conductance (as with lie detectors, for instance), or electromyography (EMG).

HOW DO WE DEFINE AND MAP EMOTIONS?

Could you make a list of all emotions? We might think we know what emotions are, but how do we know that we have a correct or complete list? What about cultural influences, for instance? One approach to this issue is to try to decide which emotions seem to be experienced and described across the world. Lists vary, but many psychologist s agree on a core list of five basic emotions: anger, fear, sadness, disgust, and happiness (with the possible addition of surprise). Ekman has studied across cultures, and together with Oster has found support for a common base by establishing that children show similar emotions worldwide. In terms of names for emotions, Wallbott and Scherer looked at 37 countries, and found definite words for seven key emotions. But a problem with this ‘basic emotions’ approach is that it omits more complex emotions. It also says little about what triggers these emotions, and what social rules govern emotional behaviours.

An alternative approach is to define emotions in terms of how they affect us. In an ingenious approach, Dawson and others asked people how they rated certain objects and events on two scales: firstly valence (i.e. does it make you feel positive or negative?), and secondly arousal (does it make you feel excited or calm?). This enables us to plot on a two-dimensional graph where many objects and events lie. For instance, enjoyable fast driving might be plotted as high on arousal, and high on positive valence. Boring study might be plotted as low on arousal, and low on positive valence. However, this approach doesn’t deal well with multi-valence experiences – we often feel positive and negative at the same time, and may sometimes even feel calm and excited at the same time (as with pleasant anticipation).

WHAT ARE EMOTIONS FOR?

You may have noticed that emotions like anger and fear stop you doing what you are doing, and change your attitude or behaviour. Often this signals that something we are trying to achieve may not be achieved. We could say that emotions have a function of making us aware of when our goals may not be met. Following on from this, the emotion may then arouse us in preparation for action – in fact, some arousal is important for proper use of physical resources, as is well-known by sports psychologists. Then, when acting, we can signal to others our emotional state, so they can be aware – as Darwin, for instance, pointed out back in the 1800s.

And there is a special function of emotion in terms of making decisions. It seems that, whenever we experience an event along with an emotion, we store that for future use. Damasio studied this in a gambling context, using biased packs of cards. He discovered that, if we play a reward-based game repeatedly, we can use our emotional responses to develop cues, or ‘somatic markers’, learning which pack of cards is biased in our favour. Probably we use emotions in the same way when we choose our friend preferences. Perhaps each person is like a different pack of cards. We learn through repetition who brings us positive experience, and who brings us negative experience, and begin to show a preference. Most people prefer to make small gains and avoid large losses. This means that we unconsciously choose friends who do not cause us big pain, but bring us little lifts and gifts! However, there may be differences in style, with some unusual, risk-seeking people preferring to engage with people who sometimes bring them big losses, but bring them excitement. Perhaps these people are the relationship equivalent of heavy gamblers!

So emotion can influence our future actions, by giving a positive/negative ‘gut feeling’ to objects and events. Why do we need to feel emotions subjectively? Wouldn’t it be easier not to have to experience the pain? Well, perhaps we need to experience the pain of fear and disgust, for instance, so that we can inhibit, through conscious awareness, future actions which may not have positive results. In other words, if we consciously anticipate by habit, then if we are to modify that conscious habit, we need to consciously feel the modifying, ‘warning’ emotions as well, even if they bring pain.

EMOTION AND MEMORY

Emotion affects what we remember. We remember things better if the content and style match our current mood (Bower, 1981). More than this, we recall things better if we are in the same mood as when we put them into memory (Matt et al., 1992). Think about what this means: it means that if we are feeling anxious, we will tend to remember things that we experienced when we were anxious. Teasdale and other psychologists have explored the vicious circle of anxiety/anxious memory/more anxiety that this can cause. Some mindfulness therapy is intended to break this cycle by encouraging us to take control of our awareness/attentional bias.

EMOTION AND ATTENTION

MacLeod researched attention in an emotional context, and found that we respond faster to neutral areas than threat-related areas of a display. However, anxious patients showed the opposite tendency. Mathews and others have suggested that anxiety makes us too quick to respond to possible threats in our environment, making us hyper-vigilant. And when Eysenck and others presented people with the sound of words with two meanings, high-trait anxious people were biased towards the anxious meaning. So perhaps if we are anxious by nature, we are more likely to reinforce this state with our interpretation of what we see and hear.

CONCLUSIONS?

Although we don’t agree entirely on a good list of emotions, we have an idea that key emotions are anger, fear, disgust, sadness and happiness. Emotions are useful because they interrupt us when our goals are frustrated; they get us ready for action; they signal our state to others; and they help us make preferential decisions. There is a danger that some negative emotions may reinforce themselves by making us remember, and attend to, events that reflect the same state. We can get ‘locked in’ to anger, fear or anxiety. The best cure for this might be meditation, or mindfulness, to bring our awareness to nicer things.

HOW TO MAKE PEACE - MAYBE!

2011-10-16T12:31:00.001+01:00

A tiny thought. I was in the garden, trimming the grass, when I had a bit of a revelation. Now, you may say that it's a bit late in life to have relevations, but hey, you live and learn! When I was thinking through some big arguments, I realized, more than I had done before, that an important part of making peace is to understand the truth according to others, whether you agree with it or not. I feel a bit silly for not realizing this better before. It's always good to be true and open, but in addition I guess it also helps to to try harder to appreciate what others worry about, what they believe, and what they care about. Then, even if we are still confident of what we know to be true, we can at least understand better. I am going to try to modify my behaviour and take more interest in others' perspectives. As I say, you live and learn!

Perspective-taking is an important tool in learning cultures too:

http://www.uknow.gse.harvard.edu/teaching/TC104-607.html

WHY IS THE SEA SO HEALTHY?

2011-10-15T19:54:00.001+01:00

I was playing rugby with my son on a hill over Guildford as the sun went down, and the wide view took my mind to other wide views, and then to the sea.

Why is it the sea feels so healthy for us? I remember a couple of years ago, walking across the noisy stones of a harbour, taking photos across the coast, with nothing but contentment in my mind. It was as though the sea and the wind and the wide air took any troubles, and made them seem small by comparison with the space and the movement. There is something exhilarating about the way the air buffets your cheek, and something soothing about the constant flow of people across the wide view. And I remember being in South Africa on the very edge of that continent, looking down on crashing waves towards the wide sea, and feeling connected across the thousands of miles back to England.

The sea reminds us that wherever we are, we're part of something bigger than ourselves, and that everything, and everyone, are connected.

Come walk with me

Along the sea

Where dusk sits on the land

And search with me

For shells are free,

And treasures hide in sand.

(Unknown)

A BLUE SKY MOOD :-)

2011-10-14T13:06:00.000+01:00

What a wonderful effect the blue sky has on our moods! Even towards the end of the year, when summer's heat has drifted to cooler air, the light cheers the mind and can make us want to sing. After a wonderful musical concert this week, the air was still warm and easy, and the riverside walk so tranquil. It's been a nice indian summer, and it's comforting to lie in bed and still feel a pleasant glow in the muscles while lying in peace.

The birds still seem to be out to play, and even the trees don't seem to know it's autumn. At times like this, it's nice to walk in the open air, and reflect on all that's good in the world. People smile more, and walk with an easy pace. There's so much to be thankful for, and there's always a reason to be cheerful, something good around the corner, someone to help, someone to chat with. In all our busy-ness, there is so much to support us, if we can relax and be mindful. Here's to the blue sky :-)

WHY DO WE REMEMBER SOME EVENTS AND NOT OTHERS?

2011-10-12T16:00:00.001+01:00

Our memories of events are a kind of 'database of the self'. This store of recollections plays a key part in our identity, and is termed 'autobiographical memory'.

Some psychologists (e.g. Conway and Pleydell-Pearce) believe that we tend to remember events from our lives better if they have a good fit with our goals and objectives. For instance, we may have a good recollection of receiving news of passing an important exam, or of any event which we see as helping us to achieve key objectives.

CHILDHOOD

In later life we tend to forget most, if not all, events up to five years old - known as 'childhood amnesia'. Nobody knows exactly why - it is surprising, because most under-fives do have good capacity to have the memories in the first place. Conway and Pleydell-Pearce believe that we forget all this as adults because our adult goals are not the same as when we memorized the original events. As an alternative, a Freudian view might suggest that, as adults, we 'filter out' childhood memories as too uncontrolled and powerful.

LATE ADOLESCENCE

In contrast, we do seem to have a preference for remembering events from our late adolescence and into our early twenties. This is called the 'reminiscence bump' (RB). Memories from this period are unusually accurate. Our preference for these memories is not because they are more vivid or pleasant, nor because the memories are first-time memories. It seems to be because our life stabilizes at that time, and because it is a self-defining period.

RECENT TIMES

We have a slight preference for recalling recent events, probably for the obvious reason that they haven't drifted far enough into the past to slip too much from our minds!

HOW THE DATABASE WORKS

Conway and Pleydell-Pearce have modelled how all this might work.

1. First of all, we have 'sensory-perceptual memories' - memories for particular events which have not been 'filed' away in our minds very efficiently. A bit like a photograph sitting on the table, but without any label on it for future reference.

2. Then, over time, these snapshots get labelled as 'general events' with more abstract labels - for instance, we may label them in our brains according to our emotional state at the time, or how well the event helped us achieve our objectives.

3. Finally,we may abstract even further into 'lifetime periods', which may relate to overall life goals. These 'lifetime periods' can form part of a 'life story' - an account of ourselves which link everything together to form a theme or themes.

We can filter from 3 to 2 to 1 above. When we remember events, we may start with a lifetime period, narrow things down to a subset of general events, and then focus in on a sensory-perceptual memory. Psychologists Haque and Conway have found that this is indeed how we tend to retrieve past memories - narrowing down our search from a wide initial base.

EVENTS AND GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

A remembered episode is a kind of 'recollection' - some psychologists think this recollective kind of memory is different from general knowledge, which is known more as 'semantic' menory, and consists more of detached facts rather than events. Psychologist Conway suggests that most sensory-perceptual memories (i.e. particular events) are lost to memory, unless they are linked strongly to some kind of general event or personal goal at the time of memorizing. When we later recall incidents, we tend to recreate the emotional state we were in at the time.

GOALS

There is strong evidence for goal-bias in memory. For example, cognitive psychologist McLelland split people into intimacy and power types, and found that their personal memories tended to have a flavour of either power or intimacy, depending on preference. Another researcher, Woike, split people into independent and nurturing, and found similar biases. This is not surprising, when you think that your nature will define your preferences, and your identity define your goals - in other words, if you are a power-crazy loner, then a nurturing family gathering last year may not feature in your memories as much as winning a million pounds for yourself! Personal goals can compensate for childhood disappointments - for example, someone who did not get intimacy in childhood, may, when they are grown up, look for relationships where extreme intimacy occurs.

POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

Stressful events can trigger a special type of memory, which returns even if we do not want it. Memories are disruptive and intrusive, and tend to recreate feelings of intense threat, fear, horror or hopelessness. We may get sensory-perceptual 'flashbacks' - glimpses of elements of the original experience, such as a colour, or a smell, or a voice. They can be very direct and uncontrolled, partly because our 'goal-oriented self' has not been able to file the event properly in any particular filing cabinet, so it just flies back into our consciousness without warning, and without a sense of control.

In summary, we tend to remember events relevant to our goals, objectives and priorities, and organize our memories on this basis. So if you want to create a memorable experience for someone, find out what their priorities and values are in life, and create an experience which helps them to achieve or push forward these goals. Then they will remember you fondly by the fireside, when they are old!

DO PEOPLE THINK LOGICALLY?

2011-10-11T17:20:00.001+01:00

n 1854, Boole described a set of laws governing human reasoning, as though we all, at our best, think completely logically. And Piaget, a key developmental psychologist, considered the ability to reason logically one of the pinnacles of human development. We do seem to make logical inferences all the time - combining known information to deduce an unknown. However, do we really think like this consistently? Some argue that it would be a waste of brain resource to think absolutely EVERYTHING through logically. Some of our thinking habits may be short cuts - for instance, we might make a calculated guess as to another person's intentions. This makes sense in evolutionary terms. Faced with an attacking lion, I am not going to ask it to stop while I think through my options with perfect depth and logicality. I will simply make a best guess as to a suitable action!

Basic logic goes like this: it starts with a first statement (an antecedent), and then suggests that if this is true, then something else (a consequent) inevitably follows. For example, the following is an if…then statement typical of the foundations of logical thinking:

Imagine that the following is true:

(A) If the bag is heavier than 20 kg, then (B) Andrew will drop it

There are two logical assumptions based on this - and each one has a Latin name:

MP (modus ponens): If A then B - i.e. If the bag is heavier than 20 kg, then Andrew will drop it

(This is logical because it simply states the inevitable consequence. 97% of people think like this.)

MT (modus tollens): If 'not B', then 'not A' - i.e. If Andrew does not drop the bag, then it is not heavier than 20 kg

(This is logical because if the inevitable consequence hasn't happened, then the cause can't have happened. Only 72% of people think like this.)

Also, there are two illogical assumptions:

AC (affirming the consequent): If B then A - i.e. If Andrew drops the bag, then it is heavier than 20 kg

(This is illogical because Andrew dropping the bag does not CAUSE it to be heavy - it's the wrong way round! But 63% of people think like this!)

DA (denying the antecedent): If not A then not B - i.e. If the bag is not heavier than 20 kg, Andrew will not drop it

(This is illogical because the bag being light does not CAUSE Andrew to hold on to it. But 55% of people think like this!)

'MENTAL LOGIC'

Some psychologists believe that people should be expected to follow these rules. Their approach is called a 'mental logic' approach. They judge humans by the very abstract and complicated rules above, and where people are illogical, they assume it is because people have failed to appreciate the logic above. One problem with this approach, is that it expects a lot from human beings. If you got a headache when you read the bit above, it is a clue that we don't naturally think like that! So a mental logic approach may be unrealistically strict.

'MENTAL MODELS'

Some psychologists believe that people aren't born knowing all this, but they try to work it out in their heads. And because our working memories are limited (we can't think of everything at once!), we tend to have a preferred mental model including some bits of the logic above, but not all of it - that would just be too complicated.

'PROBABILISTIC MODELS'

Some psychologists say 'Forget all this business about logic, people just work out which outcome is most probable!' In the above example, a probabilistic approach would suggest people think about Andrew and the bag, and guess probabilities from known factors instead of working it all out strictly and logically.

WE USE OUR MEMORIES A LOT INSTEAD OF REASON

Experiments have found that, when we're given extra information, it influences us in our logical thinking, even when it's not strictly relevant. So it seems that we adapt our assumptions, not just based on logical working out, but on the amount of information we have at our disposal. This makes sense in practical tasks - we have a big memory of past events, so why not use all that information to help us to guess what will happen next?

WE FIND IT HARD TO REASON NEGATIVELY

In particular, people find it very difficult to work through any logic involving 'not', i.e. negatives, as in 'modus tollens' above. For example, if I asked you to list things in your garden that could NOT be burned easily in a fire, it would take you a while to think about it. But if I asked you to list things that WILL burn easily, that's much easier.

WE FIND IT EASIER TO REASON IN TERMS OF GOALS AND PRACTICAL BENEFITS

An evolutionary psychologist called Cosmides suggests that all the logic stuff above is a bit unnecessary. He suggests that we think in terms of practical benefits, not in terms of abstract logic. He has worked through experimental examples that seem to show that, where the chain of benefits is clear, people find it easier to think in a logical way. This makes sense: as animals, we are quite goal-orientated, and therefore, if given a clear goal, we will find it easier to work out how the constraints of a situation affect us.

SO ARE HUMANS LOGICAL OR NOT?

It seems that mental logic is unrealistic for most people, and that most of the time we don't even create our own logical mental models. I would suggest that the balance of research favours the idea that humans find it easier to think in terms of, not reason, but probabilities in the context of a goal or objective. A few people may be good at logical abstract reasoning, but it does not come naturally.

SO HOW CAN WE HELP PEOPLE TO THINK?

How can this understanding help us?

Well, what it means is, don't expect your friends always to appreciate the logic of what you are saying, even if it makes sense to you! Don't expect people to be fair, abstract and neutral, even if you are. Most people are not naturally built to have such understanding. It is much better, instead, to appeal to their natural goal-seeking ability. Ask them to imagine your situation, and imagine what THEY would do in your position, if they wanted to maximise benefit. THEN, and only then, may they see your point of view.

Those teaching children may wish to apply this in, for instance, science classes. To encourage them to think things through, it may be better for a science teacher to give children a project based on rewards. They will then be driven to improve their thinking in order to overcome the situation's constraints and seek the reward!

WHY DO PEOPLE DISAGREE?

2011-10-11T12:52:00.002+01:00

Inside our minds, believe psychologists, there are things called concepts. They are the internal representation of our external behaviour towards objects. This external behaviour is often described as categorization - categorization being they way we behave differently towards different things. For example, if I see my mother, I will behave differently towards her than if I saw a stranger. My different behaviour shows that I have categorized her differently to a stranger; therefore, the argument goes, I must have a special concept of my mother that is different from a stranger.

THE 'CLASSICAL' DEFINITION VIEW

Since the time of Aristotle, and probably before, man has been aware of definitions. A definition is a way of describing a concept, which can be used to decide which objects belong to its related category, and which do not. For example, I could create a 'necessary and sufficient' definition of a mother as 'a female relative one generation above me, of whom I am a direct descendant'. This excludes friends, aunts and grandmothers, and goes a long way to creating a boundaried concept we can all agree on.

PROTOTYPES

However, is this how concepts really work - do we always create 'in or out' definitions? Not really. A psychologist called Rosch found that categorization is often a matter of degree, not absolute certainty. He used the term 'typicality' to describe this. Never mind definitions, he said, we seem to rate some dogs as 'very doggy', and some as 'not very doggy' - meaning that categories may be a matter of evaluating how typical of a concept something is. This is especialy evident at the boundaries. If you saw a fruit which was half way between an apple and a pear, you would look for features typical of either apples or pears - perhaps shape, or taste - and try to make a categorization judgement based on these different aspects. A psychologist called Smith (1998) suggested that we have in our minds a kind of 'prototype' of each concept, a cluster of features which we think typical - and these features may have different weightings depending on how important they are to the concept.

Returning to the 'mother' idea, a person may be heard to say, to someone who fits the above definition of a mother, 'you are not my mother!' What they may be saying, is: 'You are not typical of what I expect a mother to be, therefore I exclude you from the category'. Perhaps the mother has failed to show unconditional love, which the person considers a heavily-weighted characteristic of a typical mother, and has therefore failed to be rated sufficiently 'typical' of the prototype. They fit the classical definition, but this is not how the person is thinking.

THEORY THINKING

However, do people even think prototypically? One big problem is context - whether I include an object in a particular category will depend on the circumstances. The person above, who denies their biological parent is their mother for nurturing purposes, may accept them as their mother for administrative purposes - for instance, when filling in a form. Even if we use prototypes to judge category inclusion, these sets of features seem to be constantly changing and context-dependent. In an excellent experiment, Rips (1984) asked people to categorize 5-inch objects as coins or pizzas. He deliberately chose a size which was between that of a coin and that of a pizza. He found people's evaluations were quite inconsistent: for instance, they might say the item was more similar to a coin, but more likely to be a pizza. This shows that people don't, for instance, only use similarity-to-prototype to evaluate category inclusion. They may be inventing special rules. Even prototypes, we could even argue, need underlying rules to decide which features are more important.

So, an alternative idea is that we don't use classical definitions, and we don't use prototypes. Perhaps, say 'theory' theorists, we have our own special theories about things, and use these pet theories to decide what categories things belong to. Certainly, as suggested by Kiel (1989), children, as they grow to adults, evaluate less and less by superficial characteristics, and more and more by using their own theories. Perhaps we all, then, have internal concepts based on our own internal theories.

Again, in the 'mother' example above, this developmental idea makes sense. We may, when young, think of a 'mother' as being something quite stereotypical, a sort of combination of our own mother, and easy stereotypes from films and books. In later life, we may develop our own deeper concepts of what a mother may be, and evaluate the category 'mother' according to much more complex criteria.

ESSENTIALISM

However, some psychologists believe that we don't really think this hard about things. 'Essentialists' believe that, even before we have thought about things in depth, we naturally have 'beliefs' in our minds about what things are. They assert that we believe a mother is a mother simply because she contains an essence called 'mother-ness'. In a sense, this is true - if you believe that a person is your mother, then even if you find out this is genetically untrue, or that she has not behaved as a typical mother, you might still describe her as your mother. Perhaps her 'mother-ness' is not dependent on attributes, but on a basic 'essence'.

Essentialism is difficult to justify logically, but ths is exactly the point. If someone believes in a concept, then who are we to disagree? In this sense, essentialism respects a fundamental subjectivity in thought, however illogical that thought might be.

CONCLUSIONS

We seem to have at least four ways to think about things. Perhaps each way of thinking has its place:

1. We can use classical definitions where we need to be clear about category inclusion (e.g. you can only call someone a thief if they have stolen something!)

2. We can use prototypes where we need to make approximate practical judgements (e.g. you can guess someone may be a potential thief if their characteristics and behaviour fit a stereotype)

3. We can use our own theories to develop our mature ideas about what a thief might be, and in what context it would be right to call them a thief

4. We can believe, without evidence, that someone is essentially a thief, based on our subjective view

Our mind, then, thinks in flexible ways, and concepts are handled differently at different times. Given this, it is not surprising that people disagree so often. They are often using different methods of thinking. A final example: let us imagine we are deciding whether someone is a 'top model'….

1. Classical definition: are they registered with a top modelling agency? Yes or no?

2. Prototype: are they pretty? do they work as a model? do they behave like a model?

3. Theory: I have decided someone is a top model these days if they work as a model internationally and earn more than £100,000 a year

4. Essentialism: they just ARE a top model - it's in their bones, through and through!

As you can see, there is always scope for disagreement. But at least we can develop an understanding of WHY we disagree about concepts! Enjoy your thinking!.......

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

2011-10-10T20:02:00.001+01:00

Today I received several little gifts. I received a lovely box of chocolate bites from my friend. I received a hug from my son. I received a helpful chat in which I learned so much. Everything added to my happiness.

All of these gifts were from people who, at one time or another, I have fought and struggled with, and I was so grateful.

People will always think of reasons to harm. But whenever we give or receive something good, we are taking the opportunity to escape the past, drop the heavy bag of reaction, and act freely. Good things happen when we become unconditional.

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.” Rosaleen Dickson

“Give love and unconditional acceptance to those you encounter, and notice what happens.” Wayne Dyer

WHAT IS INTELLIGENCE, AND WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?

2011-10-10T16:36:00.002+01:00

GENERAL INTELLIGENCE

Many psychologists believe intelligent people have two main abilities: they can adapt to their environment; and they can learn from their experience. How on earth so we measure such abilities? Most tests are indirect - that is, they don't measure intelligence as we measure something like height: it isn't that kind of thing. Instead, tests measure mastery of the kind of problems which demonstrate adaptability, and the ability to learn quickly.

You may have noticed that intelligent people seem to be able to pay attention intensely to problems. Many experts now believe that intelligence and attention are very closely linked. If someone is unable to pay attention in a focused way, they are unlikely to be able to solve problems and learn. Also, 'working memory' (the bit of our short term memory which handles temporary information and manages attention) seems closely linked to intelligence.

While some people think of intelligence as a single ability, others model it as a large number of different skills which all come together to make a person more adaptable. One very comprehensive theory is called the Cattell-Horn-Carroll (CHC) theory - involving over 70 different abilities, all of which in some way aid performance in mental tasks. People who perform well in CHC-related tests also seem to be good at reading and maths, for instance.

Some psychologists feel that traditional views of intelligence are too narrowly focused on academic skills, and that there should be more focus on creativity and practical skills. For example, Sternberg's 'triarchic theory' splits our world of intelligence into three -

1. Our internal world (do we have good, stable mental processes?)

2. Our experience (does the way we experience life make good use of our our mental processes?)

3. Our external world (do we work well with our culture and society to make the best of ourselves?)

Sternberg believes that no person exists in isolation, and that, as we exist on all three levels - individual, experiential and cultural - then it is better to evaluate our intelligence on all three levels. He believes, too, that we should learn on all three levels, and that schools should pay attention to giving us positive experiences and cultural integration, as well as just individual skills.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotional intelligence (EI) is personal, unlike general intelligence (see above), which is more abstract. EI concerns emotions, family and relationships, and how we manage them. Like general intelligence, it involves the ability to adapt to and learn from experience. But the experience concerned is less to do with abstract concepts, and more to do with social understanding and behaviour.

Salovey and Mayer first identified EI as a construct, and noticed that there is a hierarchy of levels. At a lower level, there is the ability to perceive the emotional realities of a situation - for instance, understanding other people's intentions, feelings and inner thoughts. But perception is not enough. Two people may see a situation accurately, but only one may know how to influence the situation to improve matters. At a higher level, then, beyond mere perception, there is emotional management - in other words, actually knowing what to do to manage social situations for the best.

There is a problem with tests for EI (for instance, the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT). The problem is that they are based on self-report. Is an individual really the best person to evaluate themselves? Possibly not! - but such tests do seem to have predictive value in terms of stress levels, leadership skills, and even the quality of romantic relationships (Brackett et al., 2005). Such tests, though, could be criticised for excluding the complexities of social interaction, where quantitative assessment is notoriously difficult.

There is another problem with EI - no one agrees on a definition! Is it personality traits? Ability to perceive emotional information? These are different things - you can be emotionally perceptive, but at the same time have a borderline personality! Equally, you can have a great personality, but have no emotional perception… However, this is not a new problem - it is an issue that also applies to general intelligence, where psychologists have argued for 100 years about definitions, and even about whether intelligence really exists as a definable concept.

Some models of EI take a mixed approach - they think of emotional intelligence as a mixture of communication skills, and personality. However, they all give slightly different priorities to different qualities. For example, how important is it to be assertive? The problem is, as soon as you start scoring people on behaviour, you are making assumptions about which behaviours are functional, and which are not. The whole thing starts getting very close to an 'emotional health' assessment, and, in general, there is still quite a confused relationship between emotional wellbeing, personality, and emotional intelligence.

Some have found that, despite these definitional problems, EI tests predict success better than general intelligence tests. But, again, who are we to decide what 'success' is? We are back to subjective, normative judgements! Was Jesus successful? It depends how you evaluate a 'career'! With such a dependence on cultural and normative values, it might be better to admit that EI tests involve a big value-judgement, rather than an assessment of some kind of objective processing ability. When someone gets a high mark for EI, perhaps we should just say that they appear to be the kind of person society values as socially functional and useful. Such judgements arguably tell us more about our society's values than an individual's performance; until we can be more scientifically robust, it would go too far to suggest that EI tells us much about individual differences.

Some interesting links re intelligence:

For more about Sternberg's views on general intelligence (and love!):

http://academics.tjhsst.edu/psych/oldPsych/sternberg/

For discussion of emotional intelligence issues in general:

http://www.helpself.com/iq-test.htm

OCTOBER LONDON

2011-10-10T15:38:00.001+01:00

Using my bicycle to get everywhere, as I did on Friday, reminds me of childhood. Feeling the rush of wind on the way to the train station, and the pull on my muscles as I ride along the riverbank. And then wrestling with the padlock to fix the bike to a rack… not paying for parking makes me smile :-)

On the South Bank in London, by the Hayward Gallery, they had made nightlights out of knickers! They were hung on wires, and floated above the walkway like chinese lanterns. The moroccan food at the market is beautiful, and the bridges and arches and steps by Waterloo so welcoming.

Drifting up Charing Cross Road into Soho, the streets were full of pubs overspilling and audiences inning and outing… and in the warm of a theatre, the comedy was immediate and friendly. To hear an old friend sing to an audience - a friend I hadn't seen for 33 years - was special. Nothing had changed in the time in between, except the years had drawn a few wise lines across our faces. We remembered old times for a while, and planned to meet again.

Coming home, after such a busy week, seemed a little lonely. But loneliness is not such a bad thing, if you can tolerate it. It reminds you what you feel like, and makes you welcome others with a bigger smile when you see them again. A little bike ride from the station, and then home, where the light on the phone signalled missed calls, and I sent love in my mind to each caller as I collapsed into bed, with October London drifting across my closing eyes and into my dreams.

HOW DO WE UNDERSTAND LANGUAGE?

2011-10-10T12:31:00.002+01:00

Understanding language is a funny thing. We start listening before we have even heard anything, with a preset expectation depending on our surroundings; then we hear a stream of sounds which we immediately connect with a set of words in our heads. We know they are significant, especially if they are uttered in the cadences of our own language, or a familiar one. How does that happen? And reading is equally strange – how do we make sense of so many peculiar signs?

Psychologists think that listening to speech is a much older use of language than reading words; evolutionary psychologists suggest that man was making complex noises well before he invented written language, with the corresponding necessity to read.

How do we divide up what we hear into the right words? If you have ever learned another language, you will know that a difficult task for the novice is to learn to tell when one word ends and another begins. It seems to be a constant stream when spoken quickly, without breaks which could give clues as to the word boundaries. Some cues, such as rhythm, are ‘pre-lexical’, meaning that they don’t depend on vocabulary knowledge and recognition. In English, for instance, we often stress the first syllable of each important word, giving the listener a strong clue that a new word has started. Different languages have different rhythmic habits, which give different clues as to word boundaries. Even babies have the ability to pick up patterns in their own native language.

Where syllable stress doesn’t work, however, we may have to rely on ‘lexical knowledge’ – a kind of dictionary in our heads which picks up parts of words and tried to make them into complete ones. Some models of language comprehension suggest that when we hear a part-word, we ‘activate’ in our brains a whole set of words which might fit – for instance, when we hear ‘wh-’, we may instantly trigger ‘what’, ‘why’, ‘where’, and other possible words in our heads. Then, when we hear more of the word, we may get to a point when there is only one possible interpretation. The important thing in these models, is that we are constantly coming up with theories and possibilities, all the way until the point where a word is certain. Some psychologists have come up with computer models to simulate how we activate some words, and inhibit others, in an interactive way (e.g. the TRACE model of McLelland and Elman, 1986).

Reading is different. With reading, we can already see where the words start and end, because there are spaces. The clues we have available include the shapes of letters and groups of letters – so we can build up, ‘bottom-up’, an idea of words from featural cues. However, we are also constantly making assumptions, ‘top-down’, about what words might be. Have you ever seen a road sign and interpreted it, only to discover later that you were wrong about the words? That is your ‘top-down’ assumptions jumping to a conclusion without listening enough to your ‘bottom-up’ perception!

When we read, it seems that we focus on the early part of a sequence – we often fixate at a point around 4 letters into our usual 18-letter reading span. Our vision is only detailed in the middle of our sight (the ‘fovea’), so we prioritize, and choose the earlier information, as it is likely to be more important.

When we read words, we can do it in two ways: all-at-once, or by dividing them up into sections. For example, some children learn to read in whole-word chunks, just by familiarity; and some children learn in word-sections, by trying to build up a rule-based understanding of words. Both ways are equally valid. Coltheart and others incorporated both routes in their ‘dual route’ theory of how we read. It explains why some words are very slow to process – irregular words, for instance, have no rules to hang on to; if, furthermore, a word is rare as well as irregular, then there will be no quick way of either recognizing it or working it out, and we will be slow to respond. Other factors affect how quickly we can respond to words – for instance, we respond faster to words which have a lot of similarly-rhyming words in the same language!

You will notice that words split up into recognizable bits, called ‘morphemes’. These are the basic sounds of a language. Theories vary as to whether we just recognize whole words, or decompose what we see. In 1958, Berko found that children were quite good at adding bits to new words (e.g. ‘s’ for plural), as if they understand rules and can apply them to ‘bits’ of words – this suggests that we all use some ‘decompositional’ functions, not just recognition.

But, in addition to recognition and rules, also influential is whether we expect a particular meaning. There is evidence that we can be ‘prepared’ to interpret words in particular ways, and do not just read with an open mind. Underlying conceptual thinking seems to be always influencing how we interpret what we read. Even so, in the early stages of seeing a word, it may be that ALL possible meanings get triggered initially (autonomous processing). Although there is evidence for this, some psychologists have also found evidence that the context of a sentence, and any dominant meaning, can influence very early word perception.

Finally, we read words in sentences, which are amazingly creative things, full of variety. Here we cannot use recognition all the time, because most sentences are unique. We must use our deeper brain to construct meanings and interpretations. A sentence begins as an unknown, until we begin to be able to assign words to particular roles (i.e. syntax). Some psychologists have assumed that we do this in a carefully sequential way, putting a sentence together in a single ‘best fit so far’ interpretation. But some (e.g. MacDonald et al., 1994) take a different view, and feel that we constantly play with many different possible meanings, treating a sentence a bit like a jigsaw.

What seems clear in all cases, is that, even where there are established rules and understandings, extra clues such as rhythm, pitch and timing make a difference. A word’s frequency of use in a particular context makes a difference. And even the non-verbal environment – the contextual setting outside the words – has been shown to have an effect.

So next time you speak or listen, read or write – just remember how much processing is going into the interpretation of what you produce. With all that energetic computation and theorizing going on, it’s a truly wonderful thing that we understand anyone’s thoughts at all!

INFORMATION AND CONFORMATION

2011-10-05T13:33:00.001+01:00

The more I think about it, the more I think that we have missed something in cognitive psychology. We have been obsessed with information processing, as though all information were somehow the same, and as though presentation didn't matter. True, most experimental approaches, and theories, now allow for a degree of influence from format - i.e. we know that HOW something is presented makes a difference to HOW MUCH is retained. But our understanding of memory, particularly long term memory, seems to be inhibited by an inability to move beyond a basic concept of 'information processing'.

The problem has partly, in my view, been caused by the linguistic convention, in psychology, of calling memorizing 'encoding'. This gives us a picture in our minds of a mind soaking up line after line of computer code, as though everything were reducible to some kind of binary, sequential 'code' which is passed into and through our mind like machine code through a computer. However, if we really 'encoded' all incoming signals in this way, then we would find facial recognition an astonishingly difficult task, whereas in fact facial recognition is something we are quite good at from early childhood. There must be something else going on - some other way of processing incoming signals which has little to do with sequential processing, and a lot to do with 'all-at-once' processing.

I believe that the best name for this second type of input is 'conformation'. The idea was inspired several months ago by a visit to a design exhibition (see an earlier blog). A group of designers had considered using the shapes of map routes between locations, as the basis for jewellery. They thought they might then print out the routes in solid material, using a 3D printer, and see what the results looked like. When I heard this idea, I felt that, probably, each route would produce a uniquely recognizable piece of jewellery, with its own character. Somehow, the mind would absorb the 'conformation', without necessarily having to do any sequential coding. In fact, I thought that this type of recognition was so different from traditionally described 'information processing' that the underlying abstract format deserved a different name.

In fact, we can see the basis for these two types of format in traditional models of working memory. Conventional models of how we think still suggest that we use two main slave devices: an articulatory loop, and a visuo-spatial sketchpad. The articulatory loop is what helps us to manage heard speech - it is regarded as largely sequential in nature. This approximates to a main use of the word 'information'. The second slave device, the visuo-spatial sketchpad, is what helps us, for instance, to remember patterns. A good example of these two slave devices in action, is when we input a pin code for a credit card. The articulatory loop can recite the number; the visuo-spatial sketchpad knows the pattern on the keyboard. One manages the information, the other the conformation. Sometimes we can even input our pin number without reciting it to ourselves - merely the sight of the keypad is enough for us, in a flash, to know what we are doing.

Conformational thinking, then, can be incredibly fast, and approximates, in a way, to intuition. It is so fast that it does not rely on conscious, laborious processing, but can spot a 'conformation', a recognizable arrangement of objects or events, at a glance, and identify and react accordingly. In future blogs, I'll probably come back to this, but suffice it to say, for the moment, that this 'rapid recognition device' is, in part, emotionally-driven - we get a 'feeling' that we recognize something. This is important, because, although conformational thinking is very effective in helping us find a way through our surroundings, it can act against us at certain times. If we are emotionally driven, through past traumas, to interpret scenes very quickly in emotionally-enhanced ways, then we can find ourselves 'out of control' in our immediate reactions to events. We see a pattern, and we immediately recognize and react. This type of behaviour is seen in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a useful warning system from our earlier evolution - but we need to return, at these times, to the concept of 'information' to balance ourselves. Cognitive Behavioural Therapists, then, will try to remind traumatised patients of the 'informational' truths of a situation. In this way, clients who are reacting emotionally to 'conformations', causing their minds to run wild with assumptions, can gain better control over their behaviour, by slowing themselves down, and returning to more laborious, serial, 'informational' processing. This is why talking can be good - it uses our articulatory loop (see above), and returns us to a shared, social way of thinking which avoids us 'jumping to conclusions', and 'grounds' us in a more healthy relationship with others.

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR MIND

2011-10-02T16:21:00.000+01:00

Have you ever tried to meditate or be peaceful, and wondered why your mind won't stay still and think of one thing? It insists on wandering around on its own path, and then gets stuck in some problem or other, endlessly running round in circles, either trying to find a solution, or replaying scenes and conversations, real or imagined. It tends to focus on the 'problem of the moment', whatever that might be. We would love to settle into calm, but it is often hard to keep the mind in check.

Imagine that your mind is a forest. Like a forest, the mind grows brambles everywhere initially. That is why, if you haven't done any 'forest maintenance' for a while, you get your legs tangled when you go for a walk through your mind. Do you remember, when you were younger, trying to get through difficult bits of forest? The undergrowth was so strong, that your legs got cut and dirty from all the effort, and sometimes you got stuck in a particular place, without a hope of extracting yourself easily!

Now imagine that you can make paths for yourself to walk on, with enough width for comfort, and enough light for pleasure and safety. How can we create such paths in the mind? Meditators know that much of this is a question of habit. You will notice, in forests and even jungles, that animals cut paths with sheer force of habit, along their favourite routes. The mind works in the same way, expecially your long term memory. Where you walk the most, you will wear a path. So be careful! If you are always wearing a path to your worries, and to difficulties, then guess what? That's where your thoughts will go when you release them - down the path of least resistance! If you want your mind, your very own forest, to have pleasant paths full of happiness, then you had better start the long job of creating habits and routines which help your long term memory to establish healthy paths.

Some things are not a question of habit, and we need more than this to make a good forest. Sometimes, a good forest manager will realise that something new needs to happen, a little landscaping, or a new path. At such times, special effort is made to clear the way and shape the future, so that everything flows well. It's the same with your mind: you are the manager, and you must decide where the new big paths must go. But here's a design tip: try to make life easy for yourself! Decide where the best landscapes are, the cleanest streams, the loveliest views - and build your path to them. You can even make a map of your own mind in case you forget where your best paths are. A quick way is to go onto the internet, and choose 10 pictures which inspire you for some reason - you don't have to know why… probably, they represent favourite thoughts. Then, print them out (no larger than 6 or 7 cm wide) and arrange them on the floor in a collage that seems to work for you. It's not a perfect method, but it will get you working with your mind to make some inspiring 'mental maps' or 'mental paths'. You will find your other thoughts will gather around them, like flowers around a flower bed, following your design.

I hope some of this helps with some ideas as to how to get some control over your thoughts. All the best meditators work on this day and night, but everyone can surely do a little work in their forest, and make some nice walks! It just takes a little time, dedication and discipline.

READING POETRY

2011-09-28T15:15:00.001+01:00

I recently went to my first 'open mic' poetry event. I had been meaning to go for years, but something, the stalling engine of the unknown, got in the way. This time, I left the house and accepted no excuse from my mind to go back.

The most beautiful thing about the evening was the chance to see and hear other characters, so different, stand and read. Some spoke from memory, their hard-won words burned into their minds like habits. Some read from a lectern in the corner with didactic poise. When it came to my turn, the feeling felt familiar, as though I was with old friends, beside a fire in some Scottish cottage after a hearty dinner. I had no idea what to read, so I had brought along a mini-variety-pack - something loving, something funny, something risky, something thoughtful. Hearing applause was strange, like unexpected rain on an old shed roof.

It felt that I had stepped into a big family of friends all over the country, doing something because they wanted to. If you listen carefully, it's a chance to glimpse a wealth of different lives, all packaged and arranged for you in lines. The stories were so varied: the aftermath of a heart attack; the pleasure and pain of visits to the gym; even a psalm recited. You couldn't ask for more - the pleasure of other's lives presented for you on a plate, to listen to with eyes closed, on a gentle autumn night.

WHY IS MEDITATION GOOD FOR YOU?

2011-09-24T09:34:00.002+01:00

I'm sitting in a patisserie in Brighton. The morning sun floods a white light into the wide street. Some people are reading, some talking, some chatting. In a little while, I'll walk up the hill and join the others, to sit in peace and learn a little.

Sometimes I imagine the mind as a little democracy inside a person. When things are going well, when we are busy but not too stressed, then every element works together without too much disharmony. But when something goes wrong - maybe there is not enough food, or an internal imbalance - then the parts of ourselves start to argue and work against each other. This can also happen when things are very quiet - just as too much peace can make a democracy mischievous, so quiet conditions can make parts of the mind start to work against each other. Instead of viewing ourselves as a single individual, perhaps we can view ourselves as a little population of hundreds of different motivations. When there is something to do or achieve, they all work together. When there is nothing to do, they can start to argue a little.

Meditation is a quietening of the mind. So we shouldn't be surprised if, when we are quiet, the different elements of the mind start to talk and argue between one another.

Many meditative traditions focus on discipline. I was reading about some Buddhist methodologies last night, and was surprised at how intricate and detailed some of the systematic approaches were. They all had strange-sounding names, lots of different levels and paths, and a recommended 'order of events' to make sure people developed in the right way. I was puzzled by the dogma, by how prescriptive it seemed to be. I asked a monk, a teacher, why there was so much of it. He suggested that I thought of it, not as a required way, but as a suggested structure.

"A mental model, you mean?"

"Yes, if you like, a mental model."

This I can relate to. We have a lot of models in the scientific tradition - ways to approach truth, but none of them being the truth itself. They are just ways of disciplining ourselves so that we can develop.

I guess that's why some system is helpful in meditation. Without it, we are left to our own resources, and can easily end up in a battle with ourselves, with nothing to keep the internal chatter in harmony. Perhaps the disciplines of meditative traditions are like the rules of a peaceful society - not primarily there to control us, but to enable our parts, our 'inner population', to work together constructively.

I suppose that's why meditation is good for you. It enables you to be at peace when you are quiet. It gives you a way to keep all the elements of your 'internal population' in harmony, even when there is no external need to bind them together. A peaceful integrity.

IF I KEEP A GREEN BOUGH IN MY HEART, THE SINGING BIRD WILL COME

2011-09-23T15:54:00.006+01:00

Such a beautiful noise on Wednesday, when a crowd of birds, suddenly and unexpectedly, landed in the garden, and sang as they splashed in the water.

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words,

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

Emily Dickinson

WHY DO PEOPLE HIDE THEIR EMOTIONS?

2011-09-22T13:04:00.010+01:00

One of the possible functions of displaying emotion is to signal your underlying state. If you are upset, and signal this to your friends with a quivering lip and a lowered head, then they are more likely to perceive your distress, and comfort you. Equally, if you are happy, and signal this with enthusiasm and hugs, then your group can all gain a bit of wellbeing! There is thus a social incentive to externalize your emotions, whether positive or negative.

But what happens when this goes wrong? Supposing a child receives incongruous signals from a parent at a crucial stage of development. For example, supposing a child shows distress, but is consistently met with indifference. They will learn that there is no benefit in displaying their distress, and may even learn to hide that distress, if the parent is unwelcoming or violent. This teaches, very early on, the art of disguising emotion. It explains why children in such circumstances often grow up with an advanced ability to hide what they are really feeling. There is a disjoin between internal feeling an external display.

This can develop even further. Some theorists believe that even false emotional displays can have a social function. We can see this in group behaviour, where individuals often quickly change adapt their behaviour to match the response of their friends, even if that was not their starting emotion. In effect, they are sacrificing their individual response in order to preserve their group identity.

Where someone has learned early to disguise their emotions, this function of false emotion can be misused acutely in adulthood. Adult life can end up being viewed as essentially a game of poker. Social transactions take on the tensions and tactics of a high-stakes game of cards, where each person is perceived as 'selecting' an external display to match a power play, not a true underlying state. In this world, truthfulness takes second place to strategy, and a sense of intimacy is replaced by an awareness of power.

Thus, an adult can emerge who is not sharing who they are inside, but is constantly positioning themselves for maximum defensive effect. They will be afraid of intimacy, and will regard the concept of 'the truth' as relative, to be adapted to circumstances.

You might recognize this profile in many leading businessmen and politicians! Indeed, there is a growing body of literature suggesting that many in positions of power even have psychopathic tendencies. This makes sense when you think that the ability to disguise emotions, and awareness of power plays, are considered core competencies in these fields, and are simultaneously the very skills enhanced by parental indifference and hostility.

So, sometimes, the internal emotion and the external display become divorced from one another. The result can be an adult who does not make friends, only allies. They find it hard to truly share, because they cannot fully trust another person. Their early experience has programmed them to be two people: the inner feeling, and the external display. And it explains why allies can so quickly turn into enemies… friends can be rejected quickly if they cease to be helpful in terms of external objectives, or if they catch a glimpse of the hidden, vulnerable inner self.

How can we change? Firstly, what is probably helpful is a loving and trusting environment, with a consistently low level of threat, so that the defences become redundant. Once the tactics have no purpose, they may be dropped. And secondly, I think we should admit that we all have a little of this ability in us. Everyone develops some ability to moderate their external displays of emotion, in order to manage situations. The aim is to use these abilities for kind purposes. For example, self-restraint in the interests of other people is a sociable form of display modification. I have had situations this year where I have had to work incredibly hard to be patient and restrained, even though my insides were crying out with a sense of injustice and unfairness! However, despite this need to manage our responses, we must never lose the ability to know our own genuine emotions, and share them with others truthfully. That kind of openness and intimacy is the basis of loving relationships.

HOW DO YOU VALUE NON-MONETARY THINGS?

2011-09-20T12:14:00.003+01:00

How do you value a hug? Or an act of kindness? Or a day at home? Or a new friend? In this time of recession, it becomes very important to understand what has underlying value for us.

We find it easy to put a value on items that are sold in shops or on the internet. We can simple look up the price, and assume that this is the 'going rate'. But for decades psychologists have found it problematic to analyze precisely how people make their individual decisions about values. Many decision theorists - some even Nobel prize winners - have assumed that people make decisions in a mathematical way, setting a value on an outcome, and taking into account the probability of that outcome. We can see how that might work for purely financial decisions such as gambles. Although, even with gambling, something else seems to be going on which the psychologists find it very hard to account for with their formulae and tables.

It seems that , however much we try to explain decisions on a rational basis, people don't behave like computer programs. When we are weighing things up, we tend to do it qualitatively rather than quantitatively. Otherwise, how do we account for a person giving up everything to look after a sick relative? Or giving up a life of profit just to learn something new?

One interesting task you might like to try, is an activity called 'Non-monetary Exchange Rating'. The idea is that, first, you choose something which is NOT money, that you wish for. Then, think of something which is NOT money, that you have available to give away, and decide how much of it you would sacrifice to gain what you wish for. For example, imagine your house or flat is messy today, and you wish it was tidy...

How many hours of sleep tonight would you sacrifice tonight for a tidy house tomorrow?

A sample reply from an acquaintance was 30 minutes.

Then you can think of other things that you would like to gain or achieve - for yourself or another person, and value that instead, in terms of what you would give away. The person who did the above task found that, in terms of sleep tonight sacrificed:

1. A tidy house was worth 30 minutes sleep sacrificed

2. An evening at the theatre was worth 150 minutes sleep sacrificed

3. A visit to a restaurant was worth 120 minutes sleep sacrificed

4. A meal for a homeless person was worth 180 minutes sleep sacrificed

The value of this kind of task is in the learning, not in any quantifying per se. We find out what our priorities are, and what we consider to make up the quality of our life. We might even be surprised by what we discover, and may change some of our decisions on the basis of what we find!

WHAT MAKES A GOOD TEACHER?

2011-09-18T16:49:00.002+01:00

At a psychology seminar the other day, I was interested to experience a number of different approaches to teaching and learning. It was interesting to be a delegate myself. Often, it is the other way round, and I am so busy training, I don't have a chance to see what it's like to be a training victim!

By the end of the day, I had noticed a number of things characteristic of good learning, and a few characteristic of problematic learning:

Features of excellent sessions were:

1. The trainer seemed to be in control from the first moment, inspiring confidence

2. The information was distilled into useful diagrams or anecdotes for easy digestion

3. Questions were welcomed, and answered attentively and intelligently

In contrast, in the problematic sessions, the trainer lacked sureness, simply repeated information from sources without restructuring, and avoided questioning.

However, the onus is not all on the trainer. A learner has a job to do, and I did list some features of good learners, in life as well as in academia:

1. Good learners are attentive throughout

2. Good learners choose their questions carefully, and participate actively

3. Good learners help other learners to learn

On the other hand, problematic learners seem to have, shall we say, attentional issues - always being distracted, Their activity isn't careful or guided, but is generalized, or focused on other things. And they were obsessed with themselves, without any sense of a group quest to learn.

I guess that's true in life too. When we're doing things, being confident, outward-looking and attentive goes a long way. And when we're learning or listening, it helps to be actively focused on the other person. So many times in recent months, I have to say, I wish I had been more attentive, and listened harder. It would have saved so many misunderstandings! Oh well, it's never too late to learn a lesson, and there's always tomorrow... :-)

IS RHUBARB GOOD FOR YOU?

2011-09-18T12:44:00.001+01:00

A friend recently gave me some rhubarb she had grown herself. It was lovely for the family to cook and eat. I realized that I didn't know anything about it nutritionally. So I did some investigating. It turns out that it's a great source of potassium, and a very good source of fibre, vitamin C, vitamin K, calcium, magnesium and manganese. So it's good for bones, teeth, muscle and soft tissue, and healing processes. Now I know. A very irrelevant blog. But interesting to me!

HOW TO CREATE ADVENTURE

2011-09-16T17:30:00.001+01:00

I was having coffee with a friend today, and we were talking about how easy it is to be trapped into a routine. Sometimes we crave more adventure, but the ultimate experience evades our grasp.

I was sharing a theory I have, which runs like this. We are divided into two people. One of these people is idealistic, and comes up with ideas for new things to do. The other one is realistic, and has a natural inertia which makes sure we don't depart too far from our routine (which, after all, helps us survive). The problem is, the realistic one almost always wins. This is because it is supported by the force of habit, and the fact that our whole environment is built around our usual routine.

So, in order to create adventure, it is not enough to come up with an initial new idea. If we stop there, then Mr Realistic will take over straight away, and before we know it, we will be back into our old routine, and disappointed with ourselves for not escaping. We need to start breaking existing habits, and creating new ones. Only when we successfully break up our existing routines, can we make room for adventure.

Here are five tactics which encourage the break-up of Mr Realistic, and make room for adventure:

1. Get out of the house. Your house is full of things which remind you of your usual life. Being outside and away will stimulate your brain to accept a flow of new things.

2. Get into the company of different people. The interaction will challenge your old habits and ways, and stimulate you into taking up other behaviours.

3. Move your furniture! One person I know is often in the habit of doing this, as it provokes her into tidying up loose ends, and seeing the world in a different way!

4. Throw things out! Accumulation of sterile things, which never move, persuades you to sit with the same thoughts day on day.

5. Burn your bridges. If your habits have something to go back to, they will.

One word of warning: be balanced about this. A logical consequence of following all five tactics at once is to become a tramp wandering the streets with no possessions. Probably plenty of adventure… but no home! A way of preventing this, and staying within healthy norms, is to make social commitments in a new direction - examples include booking onto a course or activity in advance, or getting a friend to partner up with you.

The best influences in changing yourself are often friends - my coffee friend and I can encourage one another into new adventures, and then meet up and share the tales. All part of creating your own story and identity!

LOVE YOUR ENEMY

2011-09-13T16:45:00.000+01:00

I have heard it said that hate is an inevitable reverse side of love which comes in the end, part of a 'cycle of passion'. So often in newspapers, we read of relationships 'turning sour'… when people can't 'get what they want', they become enemies. But surely this is a misunderstanding of what it is to love. Love isn't a finite romantic cycle, it's wanting the best for others, and making a choice to give. Even if others turn to hate and hurt, we can ignore the trend, and break the cycle by being loving and creative.

"...if you hate your enemies, you have no way to redeem and to transform your enemies. But if you love your enemies, you will discover that at the very root of love is the power of redemption. You just keep loving people and keep loving them, even though they’re mistreating you. Here’s the person who is a neighbor, and this person is doing something wrong to you and all of that. Just keep being friendly to that person. Keep loving them. Don’t do anything to embarrass them. Just keep loving them, and they can’t stand it too long. Oh, they react in many ways in the beginning. They react with bitterness because they’re mad because you love them like that. They react with guilt feelings, and sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them. And by the power of your love they will break down under the load. That’s love, you see. It is redemptive, and this is why Jesus says love. There’s something about love that builds up and is creative. There is something about hate that tears down and is destructive. So love your enemies." (Martin Luther King)

WHY BEING OUTSIDE IS GOOD FOR YOU

2011-09-12T18:41:00.003+01:00

What a beautiful thing it is to get outside in the open air! It must be something natural, built up over millions of years, but you can't beat the feeling of wind against your skin, the sun on your face, and the body travelling across the landscape.

Psychologists often talk about ecological validity - the need to make sure that we assess thinking in the light of man's normal, natural surroundings. Well, what more ecologically valid than to re-experience the pleasure of walking along paths? What better use for 'working memory' than matching the careful movement of limbs to fallen trees and hanging branches? What better use for problem-solving skills than assessing which path to take across the countryside? What better use for perception than evaluating the shifting sounds and sights of a changing view?

Riding a bicycle recently, I was revisiting places from my past - the lake where I did so much thinking years ago; the woods where I played and laughed with the kids and friends; a house where a good friend had lived - although they had long gone, the memories drifted gently around the windows and doors; and, elsewhere, a house where I used to live, now let to others, but still with its character. Somehow, all these features on the landscape were happy things, the past integrated into the weathered flow of the present, and time expanding across the years as I moved along. Travelling encourages perspective, literally. Coming home, the sun sang against my skin, and home seemed somehow different, better, wider, freer.

It's the body's natural state to move itself effortfully among familiar and changing views, and to be outside often. So, next time someone suggests a walk or a bike ride, say yes!

DO WHAT FULFILS YOU

2011-08-31T18:24:00.000+01:00

I was chatting to a graffiti artist. He'd been participating in the 'Battle of Waterloo 2011', a graffiti event in London. Graffiti is his life. In his spare time he made graffiti art in his home. To celebrate his birthday, he had a wonderful 3-D-effect graffiti-style tattoo done, his own design, on his arm.

It's a whole world in itself. A 'battle' is a contest of skills. 'Tagging up' is signing your work. To go out 'bombing' is to go and write, to cover a place with your work. Sometimes the artists get into trouble, go one step too far.

To get so involved in an activity is to take part in a whole subculture, with its own heroes, language and style. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you're not hurting anyone. Go and do something that fulfils you.

WE'RE LIKE LAWN MOWERS!

2011-08-31T18:01:00.001+01:00

Sometimes our brains just stop functioning… we want them to work, but thinking seems so difficult. Often it's at times of high pressure, when there seems to be a lot to process all at once.

I was mowing the lawn the other day, and noticed how the mower slowed down when the storage box became full of cut grass. It wouldn't function properly until I stopped, emptied the box, and reconnected it.

I think people process what happens to them in a similar type of way. When there's a lot going on, there isn't the time to digest everything that's happening, and our cognitive processes start to slow down. The short-term memory is crying out for time and space to empty itself a little. We can keep trying to push and push, but what is needed is to stop for a while, and empty ourselves of everything we've just been through.

For me, the 'emptying of the grass' in our minds is sometimes shown when we stop fussing and fighting, and let ourselves 'let go', or even cry, for once. That often seems to come before renewal. I think it is the way we become fluid again, and release ourselves to move forward.

Just a thought.

BEACH HUTS

2011-08-30T10:02:00.000+01:00

What is it about a beach hut that makes the soul happy? I think it's the appeal to that bit of our brains that loves to have a home. As the sun went down at the end of a beautiful day, family groups of three and four sat in the doorways of their huts. Their chairs were slightly tipped towards each other, as though grouped around an imaginary fire. Often there was a kettle, teapot and crockery on a table inside. The huts are no bigger than garden sheds. But each one is a little home. It has a roof, and walls, and that's all you need.

And opposite beach huts is the sea. Miles and miles of ever-changing water. While we walked, it was blue, then green, then grey, then blue again. And above it the wide sky changed mood every few minutes. I can see why some people sit there all day, in the doorway, just watching the sea and sky. There's always someone coming, someone going, something changing. The sea is very healing. It absorbs the energy of your watching, and gives you more. It is bigger than us, and is never intimidated.

Between the sea and the huts, the beach and the little road curve around the coast. Everyone walks slowly. At the beach, you don't walk to get somewhere. You walk to breathe, to talk, to watch. Time doesn't seem to matter, and the end of the day surprises you. When you go back to your house, your skin is still singing with the sun and the wind and the sea.

MIND OVER MATTER

2011-08-30T09:42:00.003+01:00

There is a great article in the New Scientist this month which looks at the effect of the mind on health.

THE POWER OF BELIEF

Belief can make a medicine have positive effects, even if it has no active ingredients. Most people are familiar with this 'placebo' effect. But recent studies suggest that this can happen even if the patient is TOLD that the medicine has no active ingredients. All that is necessary is that the patient believes that there can be a positive effect.

POSITIVE THINKING

It is well known that optimism protects against stress - for example, by lowering cortisol levels. But some research has gone further, showing positive effects independent of mere stress-reduction. The body seems actively to get better at maintaining and repairing itself if you have a positive outlook. Additionally, as well as having a positive outlook on life, having a positive view of yourself seems to reduce levels of adrenaline and other fear hormones.

MEDITATION

There is an increasing body of evidence showing that meditation protects against depression, anxiety and disease, and may even make you live longer. Structural changes in the brain can happen after only around 11 hours of training.

HYPNOSIS

Although we don't know why hypnosis works as a therapy, it seems to operate through tapping into these same positive effects of belief. It can help with mood, eating issues and skin disorders, among other things.

TRUSTING PEOPLE

If you are happy with your social life, and are with others you trust, evidence suggests you sleep better, stay younger, and respond better to many medicines. Evolutionary researchers have suggested that loneliness triggers chemical responses (e.g. cortisol) related to defence against injury. In contrast, social interaction may trigger chemical responses to protect against transmitted diseases (e.g. viruses). In this way, good friends can promote immunity!

DO WHAT YOU LOVE

Researchers disagree about the direct effect of religion, and spirituality. But some are convinced that living a life which you find meaningful, and doing what you love, can in themselves bring key health benefits.

In summary, it seems that a positive attitude, towards life, yourself, and others, can provide a significant health boost. More than that, I'd say, it's just a nice thing to do!

This is a very brief summary of an original article in the August 2011 edition of New Scientist ('Heal Thyself', p.32)

SUN AND RAIN

2011-08-28T09:59:00.003+01:00

Recently I was sitting in a friend's flat, admiring their fabulous view. The panorama included miles and miles, through something like a 270 degree angle, so that you felt you were somehow part of the sky.

"Look over there," I said, seeing a curtain of grey descending through the blue. "You can see the rain falling from the clouds miles away."

"Sometimes," she said, "you get a sunny day on one side, and a rainy day on the other."

She said it was strange to sit, on some days, and experience both good and bad weather in the same room.

The clouds have a flow that it's hard to understand, just as the world of people has a flow that can't always be explained so easily. Getting along with others is a bit like watching a big sky. We can't always know why people think what they do, or where ideas and events come from. We can't judge from appearances, because we can't always know what has happened to lead people to their own thoughts, or conclusions, or behaviour.

One of my favourite books has a chapter called 'Just Watching'. It talks about how we can't stop negative sensations:

'Nonetheless, it is possible to weather it out, like a gust of wind at sea. When we "just watch" we are not numb and insensitive, we are fully alive to what is happening…. Tranquility comes not by changing the world, but from allowing the moments of emotional pain to die a natural death. They are like a shower of sparks from a fire. Most peter out in a few seconds, unless they land in something explosive. Like sparks, the negative emotions - anger, despair, fear, attachment - burn when they fall on you. If we can accept the momentary discomfort, they soon burn out. If we flare up, they can smoulder for hours.

"Good meditators don't escape times of emotional pain. However, they can give those feelings space to be there and move through."

So maybe it's like that sun and that rain. We can sit and watch both, just like in my friend's flat. We may not understand everything that's going on, but we don't have to. We can 'just watch'. It doesn't mean we are insensitive. It just means we have our eyes open.

STILL I RISE

2011-08-27T22:17:00.001+01:00

A wonderful day in London, with the sun and the rain playing in grey-white clouds, and laughter singing across the park. And a funny, happy time, with a lovely friend who introduced me to this poem.

STILL I RISE

Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise.

SOMETHING INSIDE SO STRONG

2011-08-27T10:15:00.002+01:00

All was quiet at the house for once, and I felt a little alone. We all know that silence, when you have done your bit, and the world stops for a moment. After so much fuss this year, after so many times which try patience and test strength, I was trying to remind myself it is still a beautiful world. Just then, on the radio, came the gorgeous song by Labi Siffre.

SOMETHING INSIDE SO STRONG

Labi Siffre

The higher you build your barriers

The taller I become

The farther you take my rights away

The faster I will run

You can deny me

You can decide to turn your face away

No matter, cos there's....

Something inside so strong

I know that I can make it

Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong

You thought that my pride was gone

Oh no, something inside so strong

Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

The more you refuse to hear my voice

The louder I will sing

You hide behind walls of Jericho

Your lies will come tumbling

Deny my place in time

You squander wealth that's mine

My light will shine so brightly

It will blind you

Cos there's......

Something inside so strong

I know that I can make it

Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong

You thought that my pride was gone

Oh no, something inside so strong

Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

Brothers and sisters

When they insist we're just not good enough

When we know better

Just look 'em in the eyes and say

I'm gonna do it anyway

Something inside so strong

And I know that I can make it

Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong

You thought that my pride was gone

Oh no, something inside so strong

Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

Brothers and sisters

When they insist we're just good not enough

When we know better

Just look 'em in the eyes and say

I'm gonna do it anyway

Because there's something inside so strong

And I know that I can make it

Tho' you're doing me, so wrong

You thought that my pride was gone

Oh no, something inside so strong

Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

Because there's something inside so strong

And I know that I can make it

Tho' you're doing me, so wrong

You thought that my pride was gone

Oh no, something inside so strong

Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD

2011-08-23T08:40:00.002+01:00

A flurry of juggling. Back from Italy, and the laundry needed doing in a trice. There was silence outside at the pond - the pump had siezed, so my only day at home was partly taken by replacing the broken part, and becoming an instant expert in outdoor rewiring. All done, and Hannibal the goldfish was happy.

Lawns mowed, clothes hung, kids contacted, weekends organized, bags unpacked and repacked for Sri Lanka, then - bliss! - an escape to my favourite restaurant with a lovely supportive friend, to laugh, catch up on gossip, and home to watch a film lying on the sofa like sleepy puppies.

It's amazing what you can do in twelve hours, when it's the only twelve hours available! And then landing in seat A1, on the flight to Colombo, in the peaceful dark of mid-morning, trying to remember the song I had put together in my head at the airport... well, if I forget it, it'll come back if it's worth remembering.

On the headphones, 'Every rose has its thorn'. Turn the volume up. The streetlights rise, the wheels bump, and I'm on the other side of the world.

THE A TO Z OF LIVING

2011-08-22T14:46:00.001+01:00

OK, recent blogs have been far too serious! Here's an A to Z of living which a friend once gave me, and which I've treasured ever since…

Act silly
Believe in magic
Create adventures
Daydream every chance you get
Enjoy the little things
Find time for fun
Go to unexplored places
Imagine…
Join clubs
Keep it simple
Love all creatures
Make time for friends
Nap when you can
Open your mind to new ideas
Play when you feel like it
Question the answers
Run with the wind
Sing favourite songs
Take days off
Uncover your talents
Venture out
Walk on the wild side
Xpect the best
Yield to the moment
Z-zzzzz peacefully at night

STORIES

2011-08-15T01:12:00.001+01:00

It's so refreshing to hear different stories. At a Mexican party last week, women rather unsettlingly painted moustaches on their faces, and men wore black wigs. But every person had their tale. Some told of chaotic journeys through Thailand; of marriages gone wrong; marriages gone right… if you listened carefully, you could experience business successes and failures, romances, childhoods, lives in trouble, lives turned good… even the musicians had their story, and shared happily.

It sets life in perspective, to hear so many stories. You're only one of many, sitting like penguins on a beach, a congregated mass of odd creatures, sharing space for a while, making a lot of fuss, but all looking out at the same long sea.

IN A QUIET GARDEN

2011-08-11T09:41:00.003+01:00

There is a garden in Liguria, with a stone buddha, and roses, and lavender. From its edge, you can see up and down the valley, to the olive groves carved out of its harsh hillside, and the reed-strewn river that bubbles along the valley floor.

I remember this garden when it was young. Borders had been sketched out, and young plants laid along their edges. Now I am back, those plant are maturing, some of them as tall as me. The great oak at the pool's edge gets bigger and prouder every year, and casts its protective shade across the grass.

The world seems so far away at times like this. Driving up the windy mountain roads, away from the busty, tanned artificiality of Nice, trouble and business give way to something more balanced, more serene. Away from anger, from stress, from confusion… away from all that, it's easier to see that it's just life in all its colour. I've often been asked, 'Where's your anger?' But, you know what? Hopefully, with enough love, there isn't room for it. If you keep to the truth in your own heart, no amount of noise and fuss changes that.

So, like this beautiful hillside garden, I'll spread more branches, grow more colour, and try to welcome much-loved guests whenever they return.

SIMPLICITY AND INTEGRITY

2011-08-11T09:40:00.004+01:00

We love the idea of simplicity. In an age of informational complexity, we like to imagine everything tidy and under control. When our emotions become complicated, we like the idea of an easygoing peace.

But we are born with complex minds. We can accept lots of different and conflicting things into our consciousness. When these things fight each other, we become anxious. To achieve simplicity, we need to learn to become a peacemaker between competing ideas. Our love of adventure needs to make friends with our love of security. Our passion for newness needs to make friends with our enjoyment of familiarity.

If we can't accept part of ourselves, if we cannot 'integrate' it into our self-concept, then we literally lack integrity. We will try to deny any weakness, sometimes projecting it onto others; sometimes we'll even create enemies, risking upset to our our own lives in the process - and all because we can't accept ourselves completely. To make our lives simple, I'm sure we need to learn to accept our own imperfections, and to stop blaming others for our shortfalls. Blame and its associated feelings are often just ways of avoiding our own development. Then, once we have accepted our own responsibility, we can begin to make our internal world more tidy and peaceful.

Something magical happens when we relax towards others, and take responsibility for ourselves. We spend less time assuming wrong things, and more time seeing people and things as they are. We become empty, peaceful, and accepting.

CLAUDIO'S CARE

2011-08-09T17:06:00.000+01:00

The wheel of a watermill turned gently above the river. Claudio made us feel like royalty with extra desserts and free aperitifs. Family means so much in Italy, and sometimes three or four generations were at the same table, shouting lost words between the deaf old and the inattentive young. The village children played in the dark square on bicycles.

Some houses are crumbling, but there is a basic beauty to even that. The cracks are coloured and shaded as though in a master's old oil painting. Italy seems to know that nothing has value without the extra touch of a person's hand; that meaning lies in the kind space beyond contract, where friends give because they want to give, and for no other reason.

On a table nearby, a man fussed over his woman, touched her unnecessarily often. She turned away from him. But on her face was the smile of a satisfied lover, of a woman in control.

CORNFLAKES, CLUBS AND CAPPUCINOS

2011-08-08T08:34:00.004+01:00

People don't really get old; they just get better at disguising their youth. Last week, staying with fellow psychology students in Bath, there was no difference between generations. Everybody was equally capable of collapsing onto pavements in a heap in the early hours. Young and old alike acquired and messed up relationships in equal measure. I wasn't drinking, but there's something infectious about group behaviour, lunacy and music that carries you along. There was hard work in amongst the parties. We were all conducting cognitive experiments. Some were investigating aspects of memory. My favourite was a study investigating how we respond to what we hear. They played you various sounds - a baby crying, the sound of thunder or of breaking glass - and you let it remind you of a memory. Apparently, the 'people' noises - the sound of a gasp, or a scream - evoke much stronger memories than 'object' noises. That makes sense.

Being among new people is a chance to behave more freely. Faced with a competition in the bar, my competitive streak got the better of me. You had to pick up an empty cornflakes packet with your mouth, without hands or knees touching the ground. If you succeeded, they tore a bit off the packet, so it became harder and harder to reach down. Not to be defeated, I found myself 'in' to the end, legs apart and tongue brushing the floor to pick up the last remaining flat piece of card from the cereal packet. My bum muscles took all week to recover, but it was worth it: the prize was chocolate, which I could then use to keep subjects smiling in my experiment room through the week.

It had been so long since I'd 'let my hair down' in a club. But it was glorious and mad. Clubs at busy times are similar to evangelical religious meetings… shouting hard-to-understand noises with hands in the air… later, acting the 'mother hen', I loved making sure everyone was back safe by a very sensible 3am!!

Mixed in with the madness was some seriously interesting psychology. It was mind-boggling to deliver presentations and keep working with so little sleep, but everyone seemed to handle their exhaustion. And all through the week, a supply of cappucinos to stop everyone falling asleep over all the statistics. I will never forget everyone's fun, loving, listening and sharing attitude. I drove back up the A303 with a happy glow, and some special new friends to care about and compare notes with.

BEAUTY AND IDENTITY

2011-07-25T10:31:00.004+01:00

On my birthday, I sat in the café across the road from the passport office. I needed a new passport. So, on the day I was born, I had to confirm and justify who I was.

You have to get your application countersigned by someone 'of standing in the community' who has known you for at least two years. I had been lost for anyone to ask, until my mother suggested a friend living near the house I was born in. When she came to the bit confirming how long she had known me, she looked at me.

"When were you born?" she asked, and then wrote '46 years', as the length of our friendship, on the form.

I loved the idea of having a friendship lasting since I first arrived in the open air only 100 yards from where the form was being signed. She wrote that she had known me since I had existed. Can a friendship start at birth? I decided it can, because a friendship only needs one active partner. If the other cannot yet speak or walk, then they can still receive friendship, and can return it in time.

POSITIVE ATTITUDES

2011-07-21T09:06:00.003+01:00

The best thing about Lagos is the positive attitude on everyone's faces; there's a strength of character here that means people get up and carry on, no matter what happens. I hope to come back again sometime soon, if I am lucky, with my camera. My favourite mental pictures are of a woman cooking and selling sweetcorn on the pavement; of countless motor bikes negotiating enormous holes in the road; of the fishermen's boats floating in shallow sea waters. I will take the positive attitude back home with me, plus thoughts of a beautiful country.

Tuesday would have been my sister Emma's birthday, and I'm so grateful to her childhood friend Rachel for sending me a text remembering her, and sending love to all the family.

The older I get, the more I realise that life is too short for conflict, and too long to live without smiles and kindness.

SLEEP

2011-07-19T22:04:00.005+01:00

I rarely sleep on planes. It gives me a chance to see what the mind does without sleep. There are several effects:

1. Increased sensitivity to pain. Little things bother me more. It is as though I were a sofa temporarily devoid of cushions, or a car deprived of suspension. Bumps are more obvious. I am more reactive, and find it harder to ignore discomfort.

2. Higher levels of paranoia. I speculate more on others' motives, on what is happening behind the scenes. I think this is a by-product of lower pre-frontal cortex efficiency. Less able to rationalize appropriately, I float through more theories, but with less certainty.

3. Reduced ability to eat and sleep. It is a descending spiral. The body has fewer of the chemicals that promote an easy metabolism, so it becomes less normative and more erratic.

In contrast, when I caught up on sleep with a glorious long session of dreams and relaxation, these effects reversed. In particular, a good sleep seems to smooth the relationship between immediate experience and long-term memory. Good dreams reconcile the irreconcilable, and allow concepts to sit more easily with each other. It does this by finding undiscovered conscious relationships between matters that were previously unsettled in the unconscious. It is the mind's equivalent of a grand conference, where ideas are aired and explored. A form of semantic democracy, promoting greater integration and harmony. In this way, sleep is a little miracle that sets the world to rights.

CLARITY AND CARE

2011-07-19T21:59:00.002+01:00

I find a great clarity in the English language used by Nigerians. I was reading the local paper at breakfast. It was the first time I have seen 'arrogate' used as a verb, ever. Wealthy people were 'arrogating' resources to themselves. The words are often longer, and sometimes misplaced, but there is a carefulness of expression.

In spoken words, too, there is the same care. Spoken sentences actually end; unlike in the UK, where we drift between endless chains of phrases, as though afraid of interruption.

THE LONGEST BRIDGE

2011-07-18T10:05:00.000+01:00

In Lagos, between 5.30 and 8.30 in the morning, everyone shifts from where home is to where work is. People drift out of their shacks, or their houses, onto the roadside. Many don't have cars, and wait for the innumerable yellow and white vans to stop and pick them up. The bridge between mainland and island goes on for miles. To the left, gorgeous shapes against the rising sun, elegant and curved fishing boats, most with only two men aboard, drift along the reed-strewn coast. To the right, countless shacks with corrugated roofs look damp and dishevelled after another deluge of rain last night.

This is the longest bridge in Africa. There are cars along its whole length. Horns honk all the time. Men on foot weave dangerously between the vehicles, hoping to sell a few biscuits, cigarettes, or packets of chewing gum. Men on motor bikes have either no helmet, or bizarre half-helmets that belong in a cartoon, or in a 20th century war. On the island, some cook beside the road; some carry baskets or boxes of goods on their heads; and everyone seems to be talking, laughing, arguing, shuffling for position, fighting for a part of something, where there is not so much to share around. It's a beautiful place, though. Everyone seems to have clear and healthy skin, not pasty and spotty, like the UK.

The journey takes hours. Just when you think the bridge is finishing, there is more. I am the only white person I see. I have an armoured car behind me, to protect me. I know it's necessary, but I feel overprotected, on display.

Sometime after 8.30, when my journey is done, everything will go quiet again, until the evening backflow chains its way home.

TIME AND ATTENTION

2011-07-18T10:04:00.001+01:00

"That went like no time," she said.

We had been in a long queue, and had started chatting. Now we were at the front, and the half-hour wait had only seemed like minutes.

The secret is to always be making things with the time you have. Make connections, make bread, make anything: just fill the time with engaging activity, and it will pass like magic.

PSYCHOSIS

2011-07-18T10:01:00.005+01:00

At a barbecue yesterday I bumped into a psychiatric nurse.

"Forgive me asking," I said, "but how would you define psychotic?"
"Losing touch with reality," she said. "Be careful," she added. "A guy from Oxford has been with us preparing his doctoral thesis, and he's started showing signs of psychosis himself."

She herself was researching the relevance of physical health in the early stages of mental illness. Keeping physically healthy is so important, but is often forgotten in the quest to offer drug treatments. I think she said that those taking antipsychotic treatments are particularly susceptible to heart problems.

It's a fine line, she said, between paranoia and psychosis. Perhaps just a matter of degree. And people get better, she said. Or start off fine, and then relapse into psychosis at times of stress. It's often pressure that does it. Things become too much, and the mind starts altering reality in a misguided attempt to cope.

She was very calm and factual about it all. As though she saw it every day, and it no longer surprised her. Compassionate, though. The easy, calm compassion you get from a good, experienced nurse. It's nice there are people like that. People for whom life is care and understanding, not profit and control.

GRIEVING

2011-07-18T10:01:00.003+01:00

I was chatting with a good friend recently about grieving. About how we think we're OK, but suddenly have days where we're overwhelmed with sadness, when all we want is for things to be like they used to be. And how we think we're getting stronger; but suddenly have a day when we feel like the weakest person in the world.

"When I broke up with my husband," she said, "the worst month wasn't immediately after the break-up, but almost a year later. I suddenly broke down and couldn't cope."

At such times we just need to go with the flow of emotions, and not try to rationalize. Later, with another caring friend, I just sat and let plain misery flood me. I didn't argue with the feeling, I just let it flow through me. I didn't try to cure anything. I just let it be. And she had the generosity not to try to solve anything, but just to let me grieve, like a child, without logic or plan or escape. Simple loss is a flow, where you become the shape of the sadness. And if you can absorb it, you can begin to heal.

FLOODS

2011-07-18T09:59:00.000+01:00

It's flood season in Lagos. 24 dead so far. A resident was telling me about it.

"It's the people near the canals who suffer,in the low-income areas. The water channels are not well-drained, so they just get carried away. The Governor is a good man, though. A lawyer, with a good understanding. Where are you staying?"

I told him.

"Aah! Upper class area. You will enjoy."
"I'll lower the tone," I said.
He laughed and shook my hand. He explained that I should be careful. In what way, I asked. "Watch your bags, keep them close. They know who lives there, and who is a tourist… the way you walk, the way you look, the way you move."

He taught me my first Nigerian word (although he warned me there were so many different dialects, all fairly unique. I don't know how it's spelled, but it sounds like "shallafione". It means hello. I like to learn a word or two. It's my way of getting a little immersed in a place. And a mark of respect for my delegates.

THE ILLUSTRATOR

2011-07-18T09:58:00.000+01:00

At the airport, I bought a cappucino and looked for a space to sit. The café was full, but I used one side of a table already occupied.

"Where are you flying to?" said the girl opposite. We did the pleasantries, and it turned out she was a student illustrator, travelling to see her family in Bangkok.

"I do the old kind, arty and low-tec, like for album covers, things like that. I'm two years into my studies. When it gets to four years I move countries; I can't stay more than that. It's been like that all my life. I have never stayed anywhere." She was eating a huge burger. "I hate the plane food, so I stuff it all in first!"

She had the energy of youth; everything to her was quick and easy; life was full of drama but her brain was adjustable and she could cope, she would cope, she was flowing through life like water.

MISSING

2011-07-16T14:21:00.002+01:00

It's so hard sometimes, when you miss the company of someone special.

It's such a mad world that keeps people apart; but we can always hope for better times, and say a quiet prayer.

"If you love someone more than anything, then distance only matters to the mind, not to the heart."

WHAT TO DO WHEN A FRIEND GOES QUIET

2011-07-15T07:50:00.003+01:00

The other day, a friend told me she had been 'dropped' by a best friend. She didn't know what she had done, but her mate had simply stopped communicating. She had gone over their recent relationship, trying to think of ways she could have offended her friend unintentionally. But nothing made much sense.

"I have no idea what's happened," she said.
"What are you going to do?" I asked.
"I'll wait for a while," she said. She didn't want to be confrontational. Of course she would have loved to know what she'd done, so she could make peace if necessary.

Relationships are funny things. We can be travelling along fine, and then a friend, a customer, or a family member can seem to be avoiding us. It becomes like a detective game to work out what, if anything, we might have done wrong. Whether we ever find out can depend on the approach that other person has to communication. I'd suggest there are four types:

1. THE COMFORT SEEKER (low-risk, low-energy) - This type of friend will do whatever's easiest. If they have something they can't tell you, they will just avoid you until the problem has blown over. They don't like risk, so they won't pick up the phone and risk the chaos that might result. They don't have the energy to work through the issues, so they'd rather leave them.
What to do: Wait. You will hear from this person when it suits them. In the meantime, you're on your own. They don't mean any harm. They just want an easy life.

2. THE PACIFIER (low-risk, high energy) - This type of person applies a lot of energy to making peace in their world. Like the comfort-seeker, they don't like risk, but they do apply a lot of energy to making things right with others. They will generally keep on and on adapting, and rarely avoid people, preferring to make the effort to stay in touch. It is very rare for these people to avoid others, but if they do, it is because they feel they have tried everything, and there is nothing more they can do.
What to do: Get in touch, sit with them in a safe environment, and ask them for thoughts, ideas, suggestions. If you show yourself willing to make peace, so will they.

3. THE NEUROTIC (high-risk, low-energy) - This type will be impossible to read; their behaviour will seem inconsistent, blowing hot and cold. When they are in the mood to be friendly, you will receive their friendship; when they are in the mood to withdraw, you will hear nothing.
What to do: Accept that this person's behaviour will depend on their mood. When they're in a good mood, enjoy it. When they're in a bad mood, get occupied on something else. Don't require rational explanations: they won't have one.

4. THE NOMAD (high-risk, high-energy) - This person will enjoy things for what they are, but if something more interesting comes along, they're off enjoying that instead. They generally don't mean any harm - they have just acquired the habit of choosing new adventures, and 'going for it'.
What to do: Accept that you cannot chain this person to the ground, and that it's not personal. Wait, and keep yourself occupied on other things. You will hear when they have a window in their diary!

I hope this helps to interpret the sometimes confusing behaviour of our fellow human beings! The main thing is not to take things personally - it will just eat you up while you try to guess what you have done wrong. In the famous words of St Paul, 'Love keeps no record of wrongs'. If you love others truly, then you will allow them to be themselves, adapt where possible, and, most importantly… when they come back from hiding, retiring, sulking or adventure-seeking, smile, love them, and enjoy them for the imperfect but beautiful human being they are!

RUNNING FOR A TRAIN

2011-07-10T18:55:00.003+01:00

I was driving to collect my son the other night, and went past two figures running fast on the pavement. At first I thought they were runners; but then I saw that they were dressed for a night out. After a few moments' thought, I decided to stop and ask if they needed help.

"We're trying to catch the last train!" they said, out of breath.

I offered them a lift and they hopped in. A little later they spotted their friends on the pavement.

"These are our friends - you can let us out here!"

But as I did so, I heard the friends say, "Why did you get out of the car? You could have got there!"

As I drove off, I remembered that they had said they were trying to catch the 11:52pm. It was 11:49pm.

I thought about it. About whether there should be limits to my help, or whether I should keep helping until the job was done.

I stopped again around the corner. When they were level with me, exhausted, I opened my window.

"Listen, do run if you want, but if it's easier, just all get in and I can try to get you to the train."

They piled in (I think there were five of them), and we rushed to the station, getting there with two minutes to spare.

As they got out, they held out a can and asked if I wanted a beer. "I don't drink, but just do something nice for someone tomorrow!" I said.

"I love you!" shouted one of them as I drove away. I heard someone call me a guardian angel.

I can honestly say I gained several things that night, in just a few minutes. The adrenaline rush of a quest. The pleasure of being part of something. The happiness of something achieved. A sense of friendship. The feeling of generating goodwill and faith in human nature.

So if you see someone 'running for a train' - whatever form that train takes, and if you have time (we always do really), see what you can do to help them. You will gain from it somehow, I guarantee!

INTUITION AND INFORMATION

2011-07-04T19:09:00.003+01:00

I was in London the other day, at the New Designer's exhibition in Islington. It was held at the Business Design Centre, which has a wonderful arching roof like a Victorian railway station. There were hundreds of exhibitors, all designers exploring the boundaries of what is possible, using processes whose limits are not fully understood.

My good friend's exhibit included a beautiful red bowl, made from material squeezed out from a special machine called an extruder. If you can imagine a giant toothpaste tube being squeezed, and the contents being teased into a large bowl-shape before the material dries, then you have the idea. No one has done this before, so the product has the great attraction of the new, combined with tremendous aesthetic appeal.

She told me about other ideas that have been explored. They had traced the journey from Manchester to Milan on a map, and then programmed the shape into a computerised 3-dimensional printing machine, which can build up a 3-D structure in layers. What they discovered was that information (here in the form of map information) has a definite aesthetic feeling about it when transformed into another medium. The road from Manchester to Milan will have its own special shape, as will all journeys.

As I listened, many psychological parallels struck me. Our intuitive response to experiences, for example, rely on receiving a great mass of sense information, and then somehow processing it into a whole result which gives us a gut feeling in our stomach. For example, music can be written as a complex web of information; but the resulting song can have a recognizable identity all of its own. So that when we play a song, we are immediately taken to an emotional place which we recognize.

I would go further, and say that emotion acts as a mediator between the raw information and the intuitive response. This allows us, through feelings, to deal with masses of information all at once. So, for example, we can tell if a situation feels right, just by being there for a few seconds. We do not know what information we are processing, but we are aware of the emotional result. Music, fashion, and most art work on this level - without an emotional response, we might as well not bother with art. Everything has a mood, and that mood is what we use to organize our response. Without it, we have no sense of preference or priority.

But the response, to be effectively organized, has to be within normative limits. When our sensitivity is too high, for instance, we react to everything with extremes of fear, apprehension or suspicion. This is the world of phobia and paranoia, where our past experience has conditioned us to be so alert that we lose all proportion. In emotional situations of this kind, our friends often suggest to us that we get some distance, to regain a sense of proportion, of balance.

As we sat outside on the pavement, watching the Islington crowds go by, it was a chance to recharge the spiritual batteries, and to recalibrate the emotional sensors. When life becomes very dramatic, it is easy to forget proportion, easy to react with fear and distrust of the world. But by exploring together, by trying out new techniques, by trial and error, and by comparing notes with our friends, we can rediscover a sense of proportion and beauty. Instead of being reactive and afraid, our intuition returns to harmony with the information around us. And we can then drop our excess fear, rediscover our inner peace, and find comfort again in those closest to us.

DISAPPOINTMENT AND HOPE

2011-07-02T18:38:00.003+01:00

Yesterday, in the sunny evening of a beautiful day, as the shadows were lengthening, I was walking through a garden with little Poppy.
It was the end of a long day at a theme park, and my friend's daughter was disappointed. She had trekked across the park to have a last go on her favourite ride, only to find that it was closed for the day.

"That's it," she said. "There's no point in anything any more."

All suggestions were met with the same response. No food would taste right; no activity would match up to the swing ride she had wanted to go on; there was no hope in the world!

I noticed in her a little version of what comes to us all when we are disappointed. We let the disappointment move outwards, until, quick as a flash, it has affected all aspects of our life. Nothing feels right, so nothing can be right. The happy past does not exist. The future is bleak. Poppy wouldn't even be comforted by a plan to make that ride the first one on the next visit.

"It's a year until then," she said.

"You know, the thing I like about your attitude," I said, "is that you haven't given up yet." (I guess she had given up a little, but I wanted her to see the hope that remained and believe in that!)

We all looked aroung the gift shop. As closing time arrived, with a minute to go, she hadn't found anything to cheer her up. Finally, with seconds left, her mum, held a furry polar bear up in the air in front of her.

Poppy looked at it.
You could see that she was feeling the pull of pessimism; hearing a little voice that said happiness had ended, so why should she try to find it.
But then a little smile came to the corners of her mouth.
Suddenly her posture changed, she took a deep breath, and nodded.

"That's the one!" she said, shining with a new humour and confidence.

After all the disappointment, she had caught the important lesson that there is always something happy around the corner, if we just smile and reach out a bit.

HOSPICES AND HOSPITALS

2011-06-30T00:04:00.005+01:00

Very sadly, a family friend died the other day after a long illness. There was so much gratitude, though, for the care and support of St Joseph's Hospice in Hackney - for giving care with kindness, effort and dignity. I remember, when my sister died, the dedication and flexibility of the Macmillan nurses. Where the hospital nurses had forgotten things, and been so rushed they could hardly cope, the Macmillan nurses took time to make sure that all the family were treated with great respect.

Maybe we could all ask ourselves whether we are like a hospital or a hospice. Perhaps, like some hospitals, we are busy, at the limit, worried, defensive and urgent, fighting battles, pushing people around.

But perhaps we could take the time to be more like a hospice, trying to take care of each other with dignity and respect, listening to each other's needs, and making sure we respect each other's right to a life free from fear and pain, and full of dignity. It's only a short life really. And what does it cost to be kind? A little time, a little less urgency, and a generosity of spirit. Those extra things make life worth it, feed the soul, and give hope.

TRUTH AND COMFORT

2011-06-26T10:59:00.004+01:00

In recent weeks, I've seen some situations where I've struggled to understand what is happening. It's seemed as if the world has turned upside down and lost its senses. But I've found one quote from C.S. Lewis a big help:

"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair."

It's so true. It seems that, sometimes, when we reach for comfort, the world isn't ready to give it. But if we keep strong in the knowledge of who we are, and keep our intentions happy, and hold to what is true and good, then comfort may come in the end. Sending a big hug to anyone under pressure, or feeling unhappy, confused or alone. Keep being yourself, try to live as openly and truthfully as you can, and keep helping others, even when it seems hopeless. Even in confusing times, there is still good in the world!

CHILDREN, WISHES AND DECISIONS

2011-05-31T10:51:00.005+01:00

A friend asked me how we can introduce children to the idea of limited resources, but without spoiling their enjoyment. Perhaps it's all about who makes the decisions, and when.

Often, when we give children limitations, we do it from a confrontational perspective, and at the time of most "need". For example, we may say, in front of a funfair ride: "I have no money left, so you can't go on any more rides!" A passionate argument follows. The parent is seen as the sudden resource-restricter, and the child sees themselves as a frustrated freedom fighter!

The child hasn't has a slow and timely introduction to the decision, hasn't seen the process of arriving at the decision, and hasn't participated in the decision-making process.

Maybe there are three things to bear in mind:

1. Introduce the idea of resource restriction early
2. Make the decision process a visible one, so that the child can see what's going on
3. Make the decision process participative if at all possible

For example, if you want to spend only £25, get hold of 25 £1 coins, and a little bag. Sit with the child before you go, show them the coins and the bag, and explain that all those coins are for the outing! Let them put the coins into the bag themselves. The decision has now been shared early, is entirely visible, and the child is participating - they even have their own bag of money!

One more suggestion - try to use "we" instead of "you", and show shared feeling. Instead of saying "I haven't got any money left, so you can't do any more!" - try "Oh dear! We haven't got any money left, so we can't do any more!"

Just some ideas, but hopefully helpful ones.

VECTOR STATES

2011-05-06T10:08:00.003+01:00

There are two parts to any mental state: the factual position we find ourselves in, and any connected emotional state. The two can become interwoven in an unmanageable way. We tend to say things like: 'That person/thing drives me up the wall'.

To help, we might borrow the idea of vectors. A vector is a kind of 'separating label' that contains two or more pieces of information. For example, velocity is treated as a 'composite state' and split by scientists into two pieces of information, one about magnitude, and one about direction.

An uncomfortable reactive psychological state could be split into two: rational situation and emotional reaction. For example, you might feel uncomfortable, and diagnose your rational situation as 'rejected', and your emotional state as 'angry'. Rejected is not an emotional state in itself - you can be happy and rejected if you want! Conversely, angry is not a rational situation, it is an emotional state. So you could describe your 'vector state' as rejected/angry. The advantage of this kind of analysis, is it helps the self-analyser to disentangle the situation from their response. Behaviourally, the act of analysis itself is at the very least likely to calm the emotion identified.

It's true that complete dissociation of emotional response from situation is one symptom of what we might consider madness. But analysing the pairing of situation and emotion doesn't remove the normative association, it just gives the chance of bringing the emotion, if uncomfortable, within the bounds of comfort and manageability.

So, next time you're uncomfortable, try the old good-friend trick on yourself, of asking yourself two questions: (1) What's happening, and then, SEPARATELY, (2) How do you feel? Don't say 'How do you feel about it' - '...about it' just asks for a reinforcing of the connection. Keep the questions separate. First, what's happening. Second, how do you feel?

The result of the separation of the 'vector state' into two separate components can be that your response becomes more manageable. Just as scientists get more control over matter, so we can get more control over mind, by defining separable components.

EMPATHY AND ASSERTIVENESS

2011-05-03T09:47:00.005+01:00

Yesterday I read an article about empathy. It suggested that some people have too much empathy, and this can result in them over-prioritizing other people's needs. I disagree. I think it is lack of assertiveness that causes the problem, not high empathy.

We exercise empathy when we understand and share others' feelings. Many forms of meditation encourage this - putting yourself in another's position, so you can experience how life feels for them, and accommodate that in your mind. The capacity to see and take others' perspectives is key to living a fair and just life. In particular, it enables us to take other people's suffering into account.

However, it is unlikely we will eliminate all the suffering in the world with today's actions. Therefore, even though we might see a lot of suffering, we must decide how to use our limited resources. There will be some suffering we choose to actively reduce; and there will be some suffering we decide not to attend to.

Hence, several people might each have the same high level of empathy - but they might decide to behave very differently. One might fall on the floor with grief all day at the world's suffering; another might neglect their own health and security to help others all day; another might be seen living an apparently normal suburban life. It is what they do with their empathy which makes the difference.

If empathy involves feeling, then it becomes relevant to decide how we manage that feeling. Empathy - the ability to sense others' feelings - can be a good perceptual tool, just like the ability to discern colour, or the ability to solve problems.

But empathy need not dominate the social proceedings. In fact, logically, it can't... If two high-empathy people sit there experiencing each others' feelings, then what are they experiencing? Nothing but their own reflection in the other person. They might as well be two mirrors looking at each other.

A good way to manage high empathy is to work on assertiveness - in other words, if you have an ability to sense suffering, match that with a realistic confidence about what you will and will not do to help. You'll still worry about others, but you have a better chance of sleeping at night. There's an awful lot of suffering in the world, and only one you.

BOREDOM - SHOULD WE TOLERATE IT?

2011-01-31T11:43:00.004Z

This morning, in the car on the way to school, my son asked a question about boredom. He wondered what our response should be to tasks which are inherently boring – should we just refuse to do them? And how did this relate to our life choices as to what to do with ourselves?

A great question. As we negotiated our way through the morning traffic, I suggested that whether we choose to tolerate boredom may depend on how important we think the boring task is. If we don’t think it’s important, we can just do something more interesting. But if the task is part of something important to us, we can try to work through the boredom. That begs a first question: how to decide what it’s important/valuable to do?

My son is doing his A-levels, so he is sometimes exposed to boring academic tasks. He also hears from friends who are going abroad to work in bars. That sounds interesting to him, but he is stuck doing his schoolwork. It is very tempting to choose to do something more fun in the short term, but the problem is that everything we do in the short term has longer term consequences. That begs a second question: how to select something important/valuable to us, but at the same time make sure we don’t get too bored.

I suggested applying three considerations:

1. What are my talents and special abilities? This will never alone solve the problem of what to do. When I was younger, I remember being told ‘if you have a talent, you should use it!’ But this cannot be done in isolation. I often used to reply: ‘So if I’m a great murderer, should I go around perfecting the art?’ We should listen for compliments and positive feedback from teachers, friends and family, and be aware of what areas of activity are likely to suit us.

2. What are my values? Again, unless we want to be fanatics, this alone will not solve the problem. Our values may ask us to become a suicide bomber, but that activity may not be particularly personally fulfilling, or suit us. So those values, to achieve a balance, need to be weighed against a third thought.

3. What do I enjoy? Yet again, enjoyment alone is no guide. Some people get short-term enjoyment from destructive habits. But unless we have some fun, motivation will be in short supply, and we will dry up.

None of the above three, I suggest, is adequate alone. But following all three in balance – talents, values, and enjoyment – have a better chance.

Back to the issue of boredom… If you have consciously decided on a plan of action where you are doing what you’re good at, doing something you believe in, and doing something you enjoy – then you have a good chance of avoiding too much boredom. And when you reach a boring task, you know from the context that it will not be with you for ever, but is just a brief, necessary evil.

If you are bored all the time, then maybe it’s time to review the plan to ensure it’s ‘you’! But being bored some of the time is tolerable, as long as we know that we're on a journey that suits us and our values.

I don't know whether our chat helped my son with his schoolwork, but it certainly made us think!

HOW TO KEEP YOUR BRAIN HEALTHY AS YOU AGE

2010-12-08T15:37:00.002Z

Many people are familiar with the idea of going to the gym to keep your body in good shape. But, as yet, there are no local gyms for the mind. The closest we have are adult education institutions, and perhaps certain clubs and day centres. This means that it is largely up to the individual to organize his or her own ‘training programme’ for their most important internal organ – the brain.

Like body, like brain
The brain is very similar to the rest of the body in its responsiveness to training. When you go to the gym and exercise, you are putting demands on your muscles. In response, your body rushes oxygen to the area needing support, and, even after exercise has finished, continues to build up the body parts that have been challenged. Your body, over weeks and months, changes shape to meet the new demands. The brain works in the same way. If you challenge it, it will physically change to meet the demands you place on it. As well as challenge, interest and stimulation are important: the richer and more varied you make your environment, the more alive your brain will be in response.

Diet
As with the body, adequate nutrition, exercise and sleep help enormously. A low-calorie diet containing oily fish (i.e. rich in omega-3 fatty acids), along with plenty of vegetables (especially leafy green ones), is likely to slow cognitive decline, and hold back the onset of Alzheimer’s and dementia. Avoiding hydrogenated fats (found in fast food, biscuits and crisps) will prevent your brain’s arteries from clogging up, and a low cholesterol diet prevents the build up of amyloids – the bad substances behind much brain disease. In terms of alcohol, red wine (and only red wine) - in moderation - can benefit the brain.

Exercise
Those wishing to keep their brain healthy are well-advised to invest in physical exercise. Regular exercise increases blood flow to the brain, enhances mental focus, and promotes the formation of new brain connections. In addition, contrary to a previous belief that the brain does not make new cells in adulthood, it is now known that exercise causes your brain to make brand new memory cells for future use.

Sleep
Sleep not only restores the brain, but also develops it selectively in response to recent mental challenges. During sleep after activity, your brain chooses, and develops, the areas found to be most in need of enhancement. Good quality sleep at night, and short naps during the day, are both beneficial.

Sensory memory
A healthy brain can handle a broad range of sensory inputs, whereas a less healthy brain has diminished ability to process stimuli from the immediate environment. You can work on your sensory memory by giving yourself challenges in processing what you see, touch, smell and hear. Photography and art encourage visual observation. Attentive cooking or wine-tasting will stimulate the olfactory sense (could you identify unlabelled wines or spices?).

In particular, activities requiring fine finger control are helpful – the brain gives more resource to the hands than any other part of the body. Learning to read and play music provides a rich burst of visual, tactile and aural stimulation. In addition, using new instruments and equipment develop additional kinesthetic sense (the instrument becomes a ‘part of you’, and your brain develops new structures to accommodate it). Tai chi enhances the body’s ‘peripersonal space’ in much the same way, developing your ability to visualise and manage your own position.

Informational memory
Your informational memory has two aspects. First, you need working memory – this enables you to hold immediate information in your mind, and make quick calculations and judgements. This type of memory uses the front of your brain, which atrophies through disuse as you age. It can be developed by activities which require you to retain a number of items in your mind while you perform a related task. Games such as chess and bridge develop this type of memory. In day-to-day life, try to rely less on paper and electronic devices, and more on your own brain – for example, maintaining a short list of shopping items in your mind while you plan your journey around the shops.

Secondly, you need long-term memory – recall of what you learned or experienced a while ago. The pathways supporting long-term memory can be developed by encouraging focus and sensory visualization. For instance, you can try to memorize a longer shopping list by creating a lively story involving all the items; or to remember people’s names by associating the words with personal characteristics. These techniques not only help your present ability to remember – they also act as exercises to keep your brain more healthy and active.

Develop a hobby and practise, practise, practise
If you have a hobby which interests you, then use that motivation to push you to hours of practice. The intense focus required for improvement – whatever the activity – leads, even in adulthood, to dramatic changes in the brain’s structure and function. The important thing is to be always stretching your capacities, and finding new ways to develop your skills.

Use action video games
Action video gamers have better visual search and attention skills, short-term memory, and response times. One hour a day is enough to make a noticeable difference. Your visual fine-tuning will improve, as well as your ability to respond to simultaneously occurring events. Surgeons who play video games for more than three hours per week make fewer errors, and work faster, in the operating room. Elderly subjects do better in intelligence tests after only one hour of gaming per week. So, rather than regarding action video games as the preserve of the ‘young’, join the fun… just watch out for the addictive nature of many of them!

Keep educating yourself
In general, people with more education are less likely to be diagnosed with dementia in their lifetime. Education trains more efficient use of available brain networks, and is thought to compensate for the loss of resources associated with dementia. It may not stop dementia taking hold eventually, but it significantly delays the effects of its onset by developing ‘cognitive reserve’ – your brain’s equivalent of a savings account.

Reduce stress
A final, more emotional recommendation: stress is known to make the brain less efficient, and to hasten its decline. So avoiding stress, at all ages, makes sense in terms of preserving brain function.

A comfort – an advantage of having an older brain
Finally, psychologists acknowledge one important capacity of the mature brain which is deficient in younger brains. While young brains are better at ‘fluid intelligence’ (solving new and unpredictable problems), older brains have better ‘crystallized intelligence’ (using expertise and judgement to solve predictable problems). Finding a social use for any special expertise you have will maximise your self-esteem, as well as reinforcing your memory.

In summary, make sure you eat well (a Mediterranean diet is a good guide), and keep giving yourself physical and mental challenges, developing new and interesting hobbies, until the day you drop. That’s not rocket science. But it is brain science!

Acknowledgement
Think Smart, a book by neuroscientist Richard Restak, contains tips for keeping your brain healthy throughout your life. This article is a short summary of the book’s main recommendations for maintaining good brain performance in old age.

Sugar helps you be less angry

2010-12-02T14:31:00.001Z

I always thought so! Results from Ohio State University support the idea that sugar intake reduces aggressive behaviour.

Winning competitors in a game were given the chance to punish the loser with a blast of noise. Those given sugared lemonade were less aggressive in their punishment than those given unsugared lemonade.

So next time you are caught with a can of coke, just say you're doing the world a favour and keeping the peace!

Never forget you have two brains in one head

2010-11-15T09:46:00.000Z

Ian McGilchrist is a psychiatrist who has written a book on the two sides of the brain. He contends that the left brain does narrow thinking, whereas the right brain looks at the big picture. On Radio 4 this morning he pointed out a dual task evolution gives birds: trying on the one hand to eat a piece of food, and on the other hand trying to avoid being eaten. The first task needs a narrow, analytical view to solve a given task; the second task needs broader vision, and an understanding that something might 'come from nowhere'.

Philosopher A C Grayling has suggested that the state of brain science is not sufficient to prove the scientific case about the function of each hemisphere. And McGilchrist himself admints that in fact both sides of the brain are involved in most thought in highly complex ways. However, McGilchrist's point, apart from the science, is that western culture has spent too long on narrow, logical analysis, and too little time on wide, imaginitive thought.

The book is called 'The Master and His Emissary'. The name comes from a story in Nietzche's writings, in which a wise master trusts an emissary to help rule his kingdom. The emissary, however, becomes contemptuous of his master, and takes over, only to create a tyranny which eventually collapses. McGilchrists suggests that the 'wide-thinking' master is the right hemisphere, and its somewhat grandiose 'narrow-thinking' emissary the left hemisphere. McGilchrist suggests that the history of ideas in the western world show a struggle between the two 'thought types', with the left hemisphere in danger of successfully, but disastrously, usurping the right.

More info at:
http://iainmcgilchrist.com/index.asp

Do you live in the past, the present or the future?

2010-11-12T14:39:00.000Z

Present-orientation: the problem of temptation

As psychologist Philip Zimbardo points out, when making a decision, we have three cognitive options. Firstly, we can focus on the past, attending to our memories. Secondly, we can attend to the present, responding to the stimulus of the immediate situation. Thirdly, we can attend to the future, and think about the anticipated consequences.

In the ‘marshmallow experiment’, a study by Walter Mischel, pre-school children (about 4 years old) were offered a dilemma: one treat now, or two treats later. Some children waited for two treats later; whilst others didn’t wait, and took the treat now. Mischel interviewed these 4-year-olds much later, when they were 18. He found that the children who had resisted temptation did better at exams, did better under pressure, and were more confident; whilst those who did not defer gratification were more moody, indecisive and prone to jealousy and envy.

This kind of behaviour is not just something we are born with. Zimbardo argues that outside influences - such as culture, social class, and education - affect such time-related behaviour.

Past, present and future-oriented behaviour

Some people live in the past - for some this is a happy place, and they will value the continuity that memory brings. But for some (e.g. the depressed) memories are negative, and living in the past is a kind of constant repetition of the same negative experiences. People who live in the past can be loyal with a strong sense of identity, but can be change-resistant.

For some the present is for the impulsive gathering of immediate pleasure – the classic person who lives in this way is the hedonist who does not think about consequences. Manifestations may include the party person always surrounded by their friends, or (Zimbardo argues) the gambler who loses their sense of time in a casino without clocks or windows. Present-oriented people tend to seek novelty and immediate stimulation, but have less consistency and self-control, and can be prone to addictions.

For some, the future is so important that they will do tomorrow’s work before they take today’s pleasure – they will defer immediate pleasure for future goals. Future-oriented people tend to be very conscientious and better able to control themselves, but can be overly performance-focused, anxious and socially isolated.

Sustainability

Present-oriented people do not take into account the risks involved in present action. Extreme cases don’t imagine getting caught out in the future for anything they do now. In practice, then, extreme present-orientation is less likely to be sustainable.

In contrast, future-oriented people are more likely to respond to environmental programmes, more likely to save money for the future, less likely to fall prone to addiction – in short, more likely to show many behaviours considered desirable for sustainability of the person or the environment. Statistically, for instance, conscientious people live longer (Kern and Friedman, 2008).

Changing behaviour

Is it possible to generate future-oriented action in present-oriented people? Zimbardo suggests education can help, but only education that engages constructively with present-orientation. With regard to influencing individuals, another psychologist, John Boyd, points out a technique often used by sports psychologists: ‘mental simulation’, where people are led to imagine achieving a near-future goal, and then encouraged to achieve it… and then the time-lag is increased. This seems to be a technique that can cause progressively better planning ability, and deferral of immediate pleasure, in individuals.

But, Zimbardo argues, we must remember that all views are important, and a balance is good: the past view gives you roots, the future view gives you wings to improve your environment, and a present-orientation gives you energy to enjoy, and be creative with, what you have.

To view the full lecture that prompted this article, go to:

http://www.openculture.com/2008/11/the_new_psychology_of_time.html

Me, I come from my muzza!

2010-06-09T10:10:00.000+01:00

Where do you come from?

This morning, a radio journalist asked that question to a group of Ethiopian kids. He was trying to show how the football World Cup had reached every corner of the globe. Some answered with the name of their remote village.

And then one little boy gave such a simple answer.
"And you - where are you from?" asked the journalist, full of professionalism, emphasising our differences.
"Me, I come from my muzza!" said the boy, without hesitation.
"From your mother?"
"Yes!"
Pause.
"A good answer," said the journalist, a little deflated.

A good answer indeed.

Have a little faith

2010-05-29T10:09:00.001+01:00

I often wake to the radio and a cup of tea. This morning, to the background of the song 'Have a Little Faith', author Mitch Albom told a story. It was the story of how he had come to speak at the funeral of a rabbi.

Albert Lewis had been the rabbi at his local synagogue when he was a child, but Mitch wasn't particularly religious any more. But he was honoured when the rabbi, at 82 years old, asked him to write a eulogy for his funeral. In the coming years, he often spent time with the rabbi, in order to have the right things to say when the time came.

When the rabbi finally died - later than expected at around 90 years old - Mitch had to rush to the funeral to get there on time. He could not collect all the prepared notes he had made. But he found, strangely enough, that, by heart, he was able to give the speech that the rabbi would have wanted.

Perhaps the rabbi knew, in some way, that asking Mitch to write the eulogy would have that effect - to instil into Mitch's heart something of faith, through listening, through observing. Whatever the case, I'd say it was a 'wise event', and so beautiful.

Free time stress

2010-05-28T10:24:00.000+01:00

On Radio 4 this morning, they were discussing 'free time stress'. Apparently there is a new German term, 'Freizeitstresse', to describe the generally-felt inability to switch off; and around 75% of the German population have difficulty enjoying free time in a stress-free way.

How do we get rid of that awful feeling that we 'should' be 'doing' something? Why do we often feel as though we have to report back our lives to other people? And why is it so hard to shut out the demands of the world?

I think there are three things going on here:

Firstly, we are dependent on feedback from others for our sense of identity. A workaholic gains constant reinforcement of their identity by always working; when they stop, they get scared, because there is no reinforcement, so they don't know who they are. Whatever we do most of the time, there is our identity. When we stop, we can find it painful, because there is no context telling us who we are. In that sense, we actually find demands quite comforting, because they give us an identity as 'the person fulfilling the demands'. And in that sense, not having demands can lead to a temporary loss of identity. Many people feel happy again when they 'get back into the swing of things', i.e. their usual routine, because it gives them a place in the world.

Secondly, many of us live in an environment where anyone can contact us at any time - we are 'hyper-connected'. We are not sitting in villages waiting for the next letter to be brought over the hill by horses. We have instant messaging. The faster we can communicate, the more we do so. Therefore, even though we may take 'time out', our context follows us into our personal space, and haunts us there.

Thirdly, we have a natural preference to 'answer the external' and 'ignore the internal'. The 'external' is all the urgent requests we receive for action, all our obligations to others, perceived or real. Because they feel more real, we give them more status than our obligations to ourselves (i.e. to rest sometimes, to do nothing sometimes). And if we are always answering messages, always making things right for others, we will never have time for our own priorities.

So maybe there are three things we can do:

1. Be comfortable with doing nothing useful. When we are dead, our bodies will be doing nothing for ever. So a bit of practice seems reasonable. And back in the womb, our job was to do nothing and grow. So a bit of nostalgia sounds reasonable. (That's why some of us love baths, maybe!) It is actually part of our justifiable identity to mess about sometimes, without trying to achieve anything in particular. Just to play. We need it.

2. Turn the world off sometimes. If your mobile was a person, they would be very rude to interrupt you with such noises all the time. Keep your need for contact to a manageable minimum, and go for a walk, or a swim, or a sunbathe, or to the sea... just disappear!

3. Treat your 'appointments with yourself' as equal in importance to your 'appointments with the world'. When we have meetings, why do they have to be with other people? If it's important to get time for you, you can book it in the diary and say 'I have a meeting'. You mean that you have a meeting with yourself.

In summary, we need to create a relaxed identity, turn the world off sometimes, and value ourselves. Then maybe free time can be more of a pleasure.

And if none of that works, we can turn to friends. Because that's what friends are for - to relax with, to distract us, and to give us a value independent of the busy, demanding world we live in.

What's a monster?

2010-05-22T09:43:00.000+01:00

Yesterday's Daily Mail (the fountain of al knowledge, obviously) had a headline 'Artificial Life Created In Lab'. The story is that a team led by billionaire Craig Venter has created a synthetic cell 'from scratch' (well, he copied the DNA from a bug). The commentary on page 4 was entitled 'Has he created a monster?'

What does 'monster' mean? It's often used nowadays, especially in the press, to indicate one or more of the following:

1. I don't understand it
2. It's nothing to do with me
3. It's out of my control
4. It threatens me

When the press describe a person as a monster, they are suggesting that they are not quite human, not as we know it. The result, if we call a person a monster, is:

1. We don't have to understand the person fully
2. We don't have to take responsibility for the person or their condition
3. We don't have to try to influence the person's actions for the better
4. We have the right to hurt or diminish this person to defend ourselves

Those last four points describe the attitude of Daily Mail journalism quite well, don't you think?

Sharing money and blood supplies

2010-04-28T10:52:00.000+01:00

Greece is in danger of defaulting on its debt. Because Greece uses the Euro, Greece's danger is, in part, passed on to other countries using the same currency. The big problem with Europe's strategy of strength in numbers, is that it causes the corresponding weakness of inflexibility.

To give a strange example: supposing my friends and I decided to unify our bodies into one. The advantages would include the free flow of blood across individual boundaries. If one friend is short of a nutrient, another can make a contribution. But what if one friend gets an infection? Because we have got rid of our individual skins, we no longer have control over how rapidly an illness affects us all. One friend cannot run to the shops for medicine while the other gets some rest.

And this is the climate of Europe for the moment. Whether Greece's illness becomes Ireland's, and then Portugal's, and leaks across Europe, remains to be seen. What is certain, is that it is hard for stronger economic powers, such as Germany, to avoid being bound up in their neighbour's struggle; Chancellor Merkel may appear reluctant to commit to too much financial help for Greece, but, if part of a body is infected, the rest of the body is already committed to a fight.

What is it with extreme makeovers?

2009-04-05T12:43:00.000+01:00

There's a story in the Mail on Sunday today. A few years ago, a woman went onto a new makeover show. It was on Channel 5, and was called Brand New You. They spent a fortune on surgery and dental work. She was delighted. Her life started to change. She found the confidence to walk away from her 15-month-old marriage, and met a scaffolder called Andy. But, tragedy! ... her left breast implant has deflated. She can't afford the cost of putting it right, but the TV programme is refusing to help. Contractually, it doesn't have to.

From her point of view, the positives of a Brand New You are still worth it. Her confidence increased; she was motivated to take more care of herself; people paid her more attention. But on the downside, when things went wrong, "all those self-conscious fears came flooding back".

Perhaps every status improvement comes at a cost. We can obtain an advantage compared with other people. But, in doing so, we create a new problem: the hard work necessary to protect that advantage when things go wrong.