HOW DO YOU VALUE NON-MONETARY THINGS?

How do you value a hug? Or an act of kindness? Or a day at home? Or a new friend? In this time of recession, it becomes very important to understand what has underlying value for us.

We find it easy to put a value on items that are sold in shops or on the internet. We can simple look up the price, and assume that this is the 'going rate'. But for decades psychologists have found it problematic to analyze precisely how people make their individual decisions about values. Many decision theorists - some even Nobel prize winners - have assumed that people make decisions in a mathematical way, setting a value on an outcome, and taking into account the probability of that outcome. We can see how that might work for purely financial decisions such as gambles. Although, even with gambling, something else seems to be going on which the psychologists find it very hard to account for with their formulae and tables.

It seems that , however much we try to explain decisions on a rational basis, people don't behave like computer programs. When we are weighing things up, we tend to do it qualitatively rather than quantitatively. Otherwise, how do we account for a person giving up everything to look after a sick relative? Or giving up a life of profit just to learn something new?

One interesting task you might like to try, is an activity called 'Non-monetary Exchange Rating'. The idea is that, first, you choose something which is NOT money, that you wish for. Then, think of something which is NOT money, that you have available to give away, and decide how much of it you would sacrifice to gain what you wish for. For example, imagine your house or flat is messy today, and you wish it was tidy...

How many hours of sleep tonight would you sacrifice tonight for a tidy house tomorrow?

A sample reply from an acquaintance was 30 minutes.

Then you can think of other things that you would like to gain or achieve - for yourself or another person, and value that instead, in terms of what you would give away. The person who did the above task found that, in terms of sleep tonight sacrificed:

1. A tidy house was worth 30 minutes sleep sacrificed

2. An evening at the theatre was worth 150 minutes sleep sacrificed

3. A visit to a restaurant was worth 120 minutes sleep sacrificed

4. A meal for a homeless person was worth 180 minutes sleep sacrificed

The value of this kind of task is in the learning, not in any quantifying per se. We find out what our priorities are, and what we consider to make up the quality of our life. We might even be surprised by what we discover, and may change some of our decisions on the basis of what we find!

WHAT MAKES A GOOD TEACHER?

At a psychology seminar the other day, I was interested to experience a number of different approaches to teaching and learning. It was interesting to be a delegate myself. Often, it is the other way round, and I am so busy training, I don't have a chance to see what it's like to be a training victim!

By the end of the day, I had noticed a number of things characteristic of good learning, and a few characteristic of problematic learning:

Features of excellent sessions were:

1. The trainer seemed to be in control from the first moment, inspiring confidence

2. The information was distilled into useful diagrams or anecdotes for easy digestion

3. Questions were welcomed, and answered attentively and intelligently

In contrast, in the problematic sessions, the trainer lacked sureness, simply repeated information from sources without restructuring, and avoided questioning.

However, the onus is not all on the trainer. A learner has a job to do, and I did list some features of good learners, in life as well as in academia:

1. Good learners are attentive throughout

2. Good learners choose their questions carefully, and participate actively

3. Good learners help other learners to learn

On the other hand, problematic learners seem to have, shall we say, attentional issues - always being distracted, Their activity isn't careful or guided, but is generalized, or focused on other things. And they were obsessed with themselves, without any sense of a group quest to learn.

I guess that's true in life too. When we're doing things, being confident, outward-looking and attentive goes a long way. And when we're learning or listening, it helps to be actively focused on the other person. So many times in recent months, I have to say, I wish I had been more attentive, and listened harder. It would have saved so many misunderstandings! Oh well, it's never too late to learn a lesson, and there's always tomorrow... :-)

IS RHUBARB GOOD FOR YOU?

A friend recently gave me some rhubarb she had grown herself. It was lovely for the family to cook and eat. I realized that I didn't know anything about it nutritionally. So I did some investigating. It turns out that it's a great source of potassium, and a very good source of fibre, vitamin C, vitamin K, calcium, magnesium and manganese. So it's good for bones, teeth, muscle and soft tissue, and healing processes. Now I know. A very irrelevant blog. But interesting to me!

HOW TO CREATE ADVENTURE

I was having coffee with a friend today, and we were talking about how easy it is to be trapped into a routine. Sometimes we crave more adventure, but the ultimate experience evades our grasp.

I was sharing a theory I have, which runs like this. We are divided into two people. One of these people is idealistic, and comes up with ideas for new things to do. The other one is realistic, and has a natural inertia which makes sure we don't depart too far from our routine (which, after all, helps us survive). The problem is, the realistic one almost always wins. This is because it is supported by the force of habit, and the fact that our whole environment is built around our usual routine.

So, in order to create adventure, it is not enough to come up with an initial new idea. If we stop there, then Mr Realistic will take over straight away, and before we know it, we will be back into our old routine, and disappointed with ourselves for not escaping. We need to start breaking existing habits, and creating new ones. Only when we successfully break up our existing routines, can we make room for adventure.

Here are five tactics which encourage the break-up of Mr Realistic, and make room for adventure:

1. Get out of the house. Your house is full of things which remind you of your usual life. Being outside and away will stimulate your brain to accept a flow of new things.

2. Get into the company of different people. The interaction will challenge your old habits and ways, and stimulate you into taking up other behaviours.

3. Move your furniture! One person I know is often in the habit of doing this, as it provokes her into tidying up loose ends, and seeing the world in a different way!

4. Throw things out! Accumulation of sterile things, which never move, persuades you to sit with the same thoughts day on day.

5. Burn your bridges. If your habits have something to go back to, they will.

One word of warning: be balanced about this. A logical consequence of following all five tactics at once is to become a tramp wandering the streets with no possessions. Probably plenty of adventure… but no home! A way of preventing this, and staying within healthy norms, is to make social commitments in a new direction - examples include booking onto a course or activity in advance, or getting a friend to partner up with you.

The best influences in changing yourself are often friends - my coffee friend and I can encourage one another into new adventures, and then meet up and share the tales. All part of creating your own story and identity!

LOVE YOUR ENEMY

I have heard it said that hate is an inevitable reverse side of love which comes in the end, part of a 'cycle of passion'. So often in newspapers, we read of relationships 'turning sour'… when people can't 'get what they want', they become enemies. But surely this is a misunderstanding of what it is to love. Love isn't a finite romantic cycle, it's wanting the best for others, and making a choice to give. Even if others turn to hate and hurt, we can ignore the trend, and break the cycle by being loving and creative.

"...if you hate your enemies, you have no way to redeem and to transform your enemies. But if you love your enemies, you will discover that at the very root of love is the power of redemption. You just keep loving people and keep loving them, even though they’re mistreating you. Here’s the person who is a neighbor, and this person is doing something wrong to you and all of that. Just keep being friendly to that person. Keep loving them. Don’t do anything to embarrass them. Just keep loving them, and they can’t stand it too long. Oh, they react in many ways in the beginning. They react with bitterness because they’re mad because you love them like that. They react with guilt feelings, and sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them. And by the power of your love they will break down under the load. That’s love, you see. It is redemptive, and this is why Jesus says love. There’s something about love that builds up and is creative. There is something about hate that tears down and is destructive. So love your enemies." (Martin Luther King)

WHY BEING OUTSIDE IS GOOD FOR YOU

What a beautiful thing it is to get outside in the open air! It must be something natural, built up over millions of years, but you can't beat the feeling of wind against your skin, the sun on your face, and the body travelling across the landscape.

Psychologists often talk about ecological validity - the need to make sure that we assess thinking in the light of man's normal, natural surroundings. Well, what more ecologically valid than to re-experience the pleasure of walking along paths? What better use for 'working memory' than matching the careful movement of limbs to fallen trees and hanging branches? What better use for problem-solving skills than assessing which path to take across the countryside? What better use for perception than evaluating the shifting sounds and sights of a changing view?

Riding a bicycle recently, I was revisiting places from my past - the lake where I did so much thinking years ago; the woods where I played and laughed with the kids and friends; a house where a good friend had lived - although they had long gone, the memories drifted gently around the windows and doors; and, elsewhere, a house where I used to live, now let to others, but still with its character. Somehow, all these features on the landscape were happy things, the past integrated into the weathered flow of the present, and time expanding across the years as I moved along. Travelling encourages perspective, literally. Coming home, the sun sang against my skin, and home seemed somehow different, better, wider, freer.

It's the body's natural state to move itself effortfully among familiar and changing views, and to be outside often. So, next time someone suggests a walk or a bike ride, say yes!

DO WHAT FULFILS YOU

I was chatting to a graffiti artist. He'd been participating in the 'Battle of Waterloo 2011', a graffiti event in London. Graffiti is his life. In his spare time he made graffiti art in his home. To celebrate his birthday, he had a wonderful 3-D-effect graffiti-style tattoo done, his own design, on his arm.

It's a whole world in itself. A 'battle' is a contest of skills. 'Tagging up' is signing your work. To go out 'bombing' is to go and write, to cover a place with your work. Sometimes the artists get into trouble, go one step too far.

To get so involved in an activity is to take part in a whole subculture, with its own heroes, language and style. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you're not hurting anyone. Go and do something that fulfils you.