Monday, July 18, 2011


I was chatting with a good friend recently about grieving. About how we think we're OK, but suddenly have days where we're overwhelmed with sadness, when all we want is for things to be like they used to be. And how we think we're getting stronger; but suddenly have a day when we feel like the weakest person in the world.

"When I broke up with my husband," she said, "the worst month wasn't immediately after the break-up, but almost a year later. I suddenly broke down and couldn't cope."

At such times we just need to go with the flow of emotions, and not try to rationalize. Later, with another caring friend, I just sat and let plain misery flood me. I didn't argue with the feeling, I just let it flow through me. I didn't try to cure anything. I just let it be. And she had the generosity not to try to solve anything, but just to let me grieve, like a child, without logic or plan or escape. Simple loss is a flow, where you become the shape of the sadness. And if you can absorb it, you can begin to heal.